Post-trip distance may spell the end

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 03/09/2019 (2541 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend came home from his summer trip to Europe a different person — with a beard and faking some kind of British accent. Worse, he used different words in his bedroom vocabulary such as rolling over after sex and saying, “I’m spent.” Where did he get that? Nobody says that in Canada and I’ve checked with my girlfriends. He also isn’t afraid of losing me like he used to be. His attitude, if I correct him on something, is: “That’s just your opinion, lady.”

I might as well just say it: I think he had someone else over there, or maybe more than one woman. He has different moves in bed and different attitudes as if he’s a “man of the world” now. He’s just 22, for heaven’s sake. I’m thinking maybe I should dump him before he dumps me, because he really acts like he has the upper hand with me now. Your advice, if I want to take it?

— Disrespected and Not Happy, West Kildonan

Dear Disrespected: You and I don’t know what all he did over there, but he came back with a careless attitude to your opinions, and he’s not letting you push him around. Well, good for him!

It does sound like he learned a few tricks in bed — quite common when young and single (or single-acting) young people return from big trips overseas, where there are lots of attractive, single people around with sexy accents.

If you’re not madly in love with this young man and he’s not that excited to be back with you, this might be a good time to say bye-bye — and start saving for your own trip with some single friends!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I applaud your sensible answers to your letter writers, but fear you may be a bit off the mark with your response to those like Hoping This Helps, who recommended charitable gifts for birthdays.

There are other answers. I suggest looking at what would make sense as a personal gift for the individual in question. Things to consider might be a “coupon book” of home-cooked meals for those who hate to cook, or tickets and a ride to performances or other entertainment, or warm car pickups on -30 C mornings in the winter, driveways shovelled and the like, or indeed a gift to a charity to which they are committed.

My husband and I celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary last year and although we requested “no gifts,” one of the nicest things we received was a $100 donation in our name to our local community foundation, a cause very dear to us both. In short, please don’t dismiss gifts to charities in lieu of “things” given as gifts.

At a time when many of us have plenty, it is good to feel that we can think of others in this easy and lovely way.

— The Gift is in the Giving, Winnipeg

Dear Giving: What you are saying is understandable when bigger gifts are involved and the celebration is appreciated by the receiver. In this case, we were discussing a little birthday gift to a woman who not only didn’t want gifts, but didn’t want anyone to recognize her birthday in any way. She was not trying to save people money. She just wanted to get away from people and have everybody forget she was having any more birthdays and stay forever young. Perhaps her vanity was talking.

I told her people should grant her wish to leave her alone and she should go for a holiday away from well-wishers since she jolly well doesn’t want their birthday gifts or anything.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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