Time for old-school communication

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 17/10/2019 (2533 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I am seeing a beautiful guy, inside and out. I just met him and I’m already crazy about him, but I don’t know much about him beyond what we have shared and he’s not the confessor type. By the way, I’m gay.

I know a lot about technology. I know how to check out what he’s up to and it’s driving me crazy. I want to find out if he’s seeing other guys. My last boyfriend dumped me because he said it was “like living with an undercover cop.”

— Is He Being True? Downtown Winnipeg

Dear True: I gather you are being true and may be staying overnight now, and really want an exclusive relationship. Don’t snoop! All you should do right now is TALK about exclusivity — and particularly when it comes to sexual safety and sexually transmitted infections. Have you been checked lately by your doctor? Has he? Sexually active people need those checkups regularly.

And, remember this: Just because you find somebody beautiful doesn’t mean they are good looking to other people. Even if they are, it doesn’t mean your new love is a guy who fools around… or he might, and he might expect you to see others, too, especially early in the game. So, you must have that talk now, before you get in too deeply.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Walking home from university, I saw a girl I used to go to high school with and she was sitting with a guy and a dog and they were panhandling. I was shocked. She said drunkenly, “Don’t you stare at me. I know who you are and this could be YOU one day.” I kept walking. It felt like a bad dream; I didn’t know what to do or say. I felt sorry for her, even though she was rude to me. I knew she was embarrassed.

Should l have offered more help? What should I have done? When I got home, my mother kissed it off and said, “She was always headed that way!” What a cold-hearted witch my mother can be.

— Not Like My Mother, Central Winnipeg

Dear Not Like Mom: That girl was embarrassed and didn’t want anything from you… although you walking away faster is what she probably wanted. Not your pity! People on the street have the feelings you have and they often feel embarrassed and humiliated by people who recognize them from school or work and are shocked.

If they are panhandling with someone else, they certainly don’t want you stopping to talk about old times. But there are other cases. For instance, a few people whose pride and other feelings are blunted by liquor or drug needs may see it as a chance to guilt-trip you out of more money than the usual passerby.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: When I was young, I had some warts on my face and some kids from my school called me names for it — ugly, hurtful names. My new sweetheart, age 29, is a medical guy and he likes to ask about old scars and operations and such.

He had a few glasses of wine and asked about the tiny scars on my body and face. At first I told him it was none of his business because I was embarrassed and hurt, thinking he might find them ugly.

I said, “First you tell ME about the scars on your body and then I’ll tell you.” He was quite happy to do that and documented the medical history of each of his scars for me. I found him all the more interesting for it.

Then it was my turn and I told him about my ugly-bugly warts. Then he said “I love every one of them” and kissed each one he could find. Now that’s love, isn’t it?

— Very Touched By That, River Heights

Dear Touched: I can’t say if it’s love or not, but it sure sounds like he’s a warm and loving man, and I’m very happy for you to have found one of these special guys. If things progress well, you’re going to enjoy living beside him, having babies and getting older with him.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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