Stand down, mom! Let your son be happy

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This article was published 25/10/2019 (2475 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My son’s new girlfriend has a child. The little boy goes everywhere with his mother, and consequently, my young son is playing daddy. She is a beautiful young woman, so I can understand the attraction, but she already has a child, so she can’t be that bright or that careful. What should I say to him about his choice of girlfriend? I just don’t think it’s right for a boy to be hemmed in so early in life.

— Upset Mother, West End

Dear Upset: Your “boy” is happy. The young woman’s little boy is happy. The young woman is happy. Who’s not happy here? You! Why don’t you embrace the three of them and be a nice and loving grandmother?

Your consternation would be understandable if it was rooted in your son’s feelings. But the only unhappiness in his life is your attitude. Back off, accept their happy situation and, hopefully, you will start feeling better.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I don’t have a car, so my buddy and I use his car to double date. We had some drinks and his girlfriend, who doesn’t drink, was driving. When my girlfriend and I got out of the back seat, the other girl got out of her driver’s door to say goodbye, slipped her phone number into my hand and whispered in my ear, “Call me. I like you!”

I haven’t called her yet, but I can’t stop thinking about her. I have her phone number in my wallet. What should I do?

— Tempted, St. Vital 

Dear Tempted: Get the phone number out of your wallet, memorize it and rip the paper up. One day, when you’re free and she’s free, you can take a chance and use the memorized number, or just Facebook her.

She isn’t the type to stay with one guy too long, so she will be free fairly soon. Remember, she may give her number to many people, and don’t allow yourself to think she’s looking for one long-term guy right now. She’s feeling like a free bird at this early stage of her dating life.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife and I have been together for a very long time and it’s great. We’re so well-suited, and she almost made me forget my five-year relationship with the woman who came before her.

Last week at work, I had the bad experience of running into the woman who stomped on my heart long ago. She was at Safeway with two tiny kids. She got what she wanted: babies. I didn’t want to have babies ever. I just wanted her. Then her husband came around the corner. It was a guy who was friends with me the last part of the time she was my girlfriend and the love of my life.

I looked at him and he turned red. He knew what I was quickly coming to understand — that he had been in love with my girlfriend, too. I wonder what he offered her to get her away from me. I guess the proof was in the double stroller. I said nothing but stared into his eyes.

I still want to say something to that dishonest creep. He acted like my best pal to be near to her. He shouldn’t get away without hearing from me, but what should I do or say?

— Feeling Betrayed, East Kildonan

Dear Betrayed: Call him up at work and make it a one-way conversation. Tell him you think you figured out what happened way back then: he was like a brother to you, and he betrayed you and won over your girlfriend and made her his wife and gave her babies. Then let him stutter around and say, “It wasn’t like that,” and ask him, “Then what was it like?”

Invite him for a drink. He probably won’t come, but he might, and you might hear his story. She may have come on to him or he might have pursued her. Sometimes it just helps to know the truth. It’s the lingering question marks in our heads that make us feel crazy.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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