Playful present perfect for naughty elf

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 18/12/2019 (2124 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I asked my boyfriend what he wanted for Christmas and he told me in detail about a sexual fantasy he has been wanting all his life.

I said, “That’s not a real Christmas present. How do you wrap that up in Christmas paper?” and he said, “You’ll think of a way!” and winked. 

So how do I do that, Miss L? I’m happy to make his fantasy come true, but I need something in the box, and what do I tell people who ask what I bought him for Christmas? Nothing? That wouldn’t work for me!

— Stumped Christmas Elf, River Heights

Dear Stumped: Buy him a fun Christmas gift for under the tree, and a card with the promise in it. Sign it with love, and write: “For you! This small gift, plus your greatest dream come true.” He’ll know what you mean!

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Thank you for printing the letters involving concerned wives writing to you about their partners or former partners involved in the car hobby. (Note: The wives are irate over big restorations that suck up thousands of dollars, some on a husband’s secret credit card. — Miss L.) 

I’m in my 60s and have been involved in car restoration since I was a child. My earliest recollection is coming to Winnipeg from Saskatchewan. While my father was fuelling up the car, I got my mother to take me to the back of the service station to look at some old wrecked cars. That progressed to building models, and upon getting my driver’s licence, it became the real deal! 

Countless girlfriends became unimpressed with it all and usually departed, saying, “You have a lot of growing up to do.” Fortunately, I found a woman who was willing to put up with it and we’ve been married for 39 years.

Around 20 years ago, I was working on an “elderly” vehicle behind the garage when an old schoolmate’s mother happened by. She took a look and remarked, “I can’t believe you are still fooling with this baby stuff!” LOL! And so it goes!

I can tell you, at this house there are no secret credit cards or bank loans to finance this fun. We actually have several cars — one I had in high school and the other two I’ve had for 35 years.

In many cases, I think, the costs of being a car nut are offset significantly by familiarity with tools. In our house, most everything is repaired by me (the appliances, renovation projects, new roofs, painting).

— Lifetime Car Guy! Transcona

Dear Lifer: People who love resuscitating and restoring “elderly” cars to their former beauty are a special breed. As many Winnipeggers are aware, they often form clubs, big and small, to enjoy the rebuilding and parading of them around the province and at car shows. Car enthusiasts need wives who love the finished product and don’t mind the expense, which can be considerable.

The most irate letters came from women whose men live in the heated garage, with their buddies standing around drinking beer. All their spare time is spent working on the present project or dreaming about the next project — and finding money to feed into the hobby. 

To women who are in this situation, my best advice is to find a hobby they are equally passionate about and welcome the time one can take away from a “Car Guy” without hurting his feelings. Long-distance runners, quilters who travel in clubs to sew at resorts, mountain climbers and exotic adventure travellers do well with car guys or other passionate hobbyists.

 

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.