Do the work for more than C-plus in bed

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 30/12/2019 (2112 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I feel a new year’s resolution rising to consciousness. This newish man has been sleeping in my bed three nights a week for almost a year. I never thought of myself as a shallow person, but despite all his sterling qualities and his fancy job, he is an unimaginative C-plus lover, and I want more excitement — even a few shocks. 

He asked me to marry him a month ago, thinking to buy me a ring, I guess. I told him some malarkey about not wanting to tie myself down to a marriage again.

That’s not true. I guess what I really mean is I don’t want my dance card to be declared full, when the only one I “dance” with three times a week can’t get into the groove.

But when and where will I find another single man? I am afraid to be alone when this guy is my dance and bridge partner, and the whole family likes him. 

It’s just that when he puts his hands on me and makes his same three predictable moves and expects me to be in instant ecstasy (like he is), I just have to fake it or try to forget it happened, as it’s over so quickly.

Am I taking a chance by requiring the man in my bed to be a good sex partner as well as a good friend? Am I being unrealistic in my late 40s? — Pull the Plug? Winnipeg Outskirts

Dear Unsure: Do you want a mediocre life, or do you want a shining one? If you want a guy who makes your toes curl and everything else sparkle, then you need to put in some effort to find him.

You have already spent a year with a C-plus lover in your bed every second night and you’re obviously not thrilled with him — although you see his good qualities as a friend.

If you aren’t willing to put in time and energy to hunt for a truly exciting new love, then you might as well stay with this guy. But, isn’t that sad?

It’s not like you live in a tiny hamlet with nobody but longtime neighbours to choose from. You are on the outskirts of a lively city with all kinds of sports and social activities you can join, as well as meetup.com, which gets groups of people together to enjoy a wide variety of different interests, including meeting other singles.

Look, the love of your life is running around out there wondering where you are. Go get him! Look in every corner. Be extremely social for a whole year and I’m sure you can find a live one.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: It has become obvious my newest boyfriend is hot for me, but he can barely stand my children. They sense it and stay away from him. I think he scares them. 

Last night my daughter said, “Mommy, promise me you won’t marry that new boyfriend. He gives me the creeps,” and I said, “Why, what did he do to you?” and she said, kind of shivering, “Nothing yet.”

Nothing yet? What does that mean? Do I have to get rid of him on this little bit of negativity?

He is the sexiest man I’ve met in a year of being single, although I notice he never smiles when the kids are around. — Nervous Mom, Downtown

Dear Mom: You’re in charge of making the next marriage for yourself and your children — it is no longer just a choice for you.

You have to feel love, total trust and deep respect for a man. Your children need to feel the same way. 

If he’s a jerk to your children — and one or both of your children are sensing fear — get rid of him fast.

Don’t bring any new man into your home who raises the Spidey senses of your daughter or son. That means this guy you just met is out!

 

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.