Truce would be best Valentine’s gift

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 14/02/2020 (2067 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My wife and I have had a very hard winter, since I threw her highly-educated (but lazy) son, out of our basement and forced him to get a job. I’m his step-father. He used to like me, but he wasn’t very happy with me for giving him a few hundred bucks and sending him out the door. 

To his credit, he did get a job fast, and his job is almost better than mine in terms of pay, because of his two university degrees. 

My wife has a very smug look on her face whenever she speaks of her son, who now has his own bachelor apartment with a nice sofa and TV he bought. He got to take his computer with him and his clothes, but that was it.

When I asked my wife what she’d like for Valentine’s Day, she gave me a pointed look and said, “I’d like the people I love to be talking to one another again.” She doesn’t appreciate the tough love I showed her son got him standing on his own two feet, and he’s now become a successful young man. 

What more could she want? She couldn’t do it herself and her ex-husband couldn’t do it, so I stepped up and did it!

— Underrated Husband, Charleswood

Dear Underrated: The final step in a situation like this takes real guts on your part — and that is reconciliation. Pick up the phone today, in front of your wife, and say to your stepson: “I realize I was very tough on you, and I said some things that must have hurt. I’m sorry for that, and sorry to have lost your friendship. You have a lot to be proud of in your new life and I hope you and I can start being friendly again.”

You may get a shocked silence on the other end of the phone, but the young man will have heard you. Then you say, “Well, I hope to see you again soon. Here’s your mom!” Then she can wish her son a happy Valentine’s Day. It’s certainly worth a try. 

Look, he’s not going to give up his good job and move back in because you started being nice, so don’t worry about that. He has succeeded in everyone’s eyes now, including his own, and the last place he wants to be living is back in your basement.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Please answer this on Valentine’s Day. I have a new girlfriend. Well, I should say woman friend, as she’s in her 40s. I’m crazy about her, and I think the feeling is mutual. 

I want to get her the appropriate flowers for a relationship that is passionate and seems to be turning to a deep love. I know the colours mean different things, so I want to express this mixture of feelings properly.

— Confused About Her Flowers, Fort Garry

Dear Confused About Her Flowers: Red is the traditional colour of love for roses — from bright to a darker red. Orange or salmon-coloured roses can indicate a hot and passionate romance. Pink is for a non-romantic sort of love — the colour often sent to your mom or grandma. 

If your feelings of love are varied, consider giving a mixed bouquet and don’t feel you have to give a dozen. Six beautiful roses — a little heavy on the colour red — with some greenery and a great card won’t break the bank, and could be very lovely!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m 17. Last year I gave my boyfriend a gift he didn’t want for Valentine’s Day, and he gave the expensive black sweater back to me, because he said it wasn’t his style and he’d never wear it! He said it was clear I didn’t know his taste. 

The same thing happened this Christmas. That hurt so much I’m only giving him a card this year for Valentine’s Day and he’s going to blow! What do you think?

— Nervous About His Reaction, Downtown

Dear Nervous: Think twice about getting more involved with a guy who hands back gifts he doesn’t like. You’re already feeling self-conscious and unsure about giving him another gift, and you’ve stayed with him a whole year past the last Valentine’s Day insult. Imagine a lifetime of this nonsense! 

When he complains about your cheaping out on a card — and he will — remind him of last year and Christmas, and seriously consider giving him his freedom in addition to the card. You can do better than this guy!

 

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.