Indulge hubby’s compulsive behaviour during coronavirus crisis

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This article was published 22/03/2020 (2323 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband is obsessive-compulsive which makes him seem like a big baby to me these days. He checks all sources of possible fire or break-and-enter nightly. It’s like he’s guarding the fortress. It’s gotten worse in recent weeks with the threat of COVID-19.

I told him to go see a shrink two days ago, and he just totally blew his wig. He said shrinks are “for crazy people” and asked if I thought he was crazy when he’s just showing his love for his family? He said I was being cold, and that was the problem.

Since that time he has shut me out. He can’t get to sleep until he has done his nightly rounds, and he doesn’t feel like sleeping with me afterwards. I found him in the guest room the last two nights. How do I handle this during this COVID-19 situation when it’s going to escalate?

— Worried Wife of Paranoid Husband, North End

Dear Worried: It’d be wise to indulge his old safety rituals right now, when the world feels topsy-turvy with additional threats of infection. His rituals help him cope, and he’s not “just being a big baby” on purpose. If you knew what it was like to be in his head, you might be checking and rechecking points of safety, too.

What you could do is study up on home safety measures and institute a few of them yourself, plus safety-proof your house and car as well as possible (like putting disinfecting wipes in his car) as the world goes through this COVID-19 situation. You don’t have to join him in his nightly checking rituals, but you could quietly make him feel a little safer and less scorned — and hopefully get back to being a warm and happy couple who sleep together. This is not a time to be fighting each other.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a woman on an airplane and we really hit it off. When I got home, I went online and connected and we had great talks. I must confess I’m the one who reached out each time, but she always responded. I want so much to be with her and visit her. She wrote me back today and told me she wasn’t that interested and suggested sweetly that I “stop contacting her and let all those other girls chase me.” What should I do?

— Longing to Know Her, Transcona

Dear Longing: Stop contacting her altogether — not even a reply to her last note. She needs the last word now. It’s time to cool off and look for someone at home who is much like her. You got overexcited from one airplane ride, and she felt it was inappropriate and was starting to feel stalked.

Look, there are only so many types of people in the world. Write down about 10 words to describe her personality, and your brain will go to work sorting for you. A little bell will go off when you meet women like her.

Consider trying to befriend them, but be careful not to get over-excited and pushy again. The next woman you meet will not be “the only one” either, so not to worry. Pay attention to what women like this are interested in — certain sports, a part of the arts community, yoga and other mind-body experiences, charities — and if it’s of genuine interest to you, get involved.

Just remember to curb your enthusiasm and don’t smother anyone with too much attention, as it makes them back right off.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I want to go back to school and become a nurse, so I quietly started saving without telling my live-in partner. One day it kind of slipped out how much money I had, and what I wanted to do with it.

Since then my boyfriend has found a dozen places to spend that money — on our house, my cabin, a better car. He thinks it’s silly to change professions as I’m a teacher who earns good money. I feel he’d like to use up my savings to be a nurse. “You’re already making more money than I do!” he said this morning. How to I get him to “get it?”

— Not Feeling The Love, Downtown

Dear Not Feeling It: He’s admitted several things that make him a poor permanent partner for you. He’s already jealous of the money you make as a teacher, and now he’s jealous of you wanting to chase your big dream of being a nurse. He’s feeling inferior and it’ll get worse. Since he’s looking to sabotage your dreams, and you’re not feeling the love, why stay? It’s time to see a domestic lawyer alone, and cash out properly as a common-law couple, if that’s what you are.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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