Departed dad quite the matchmaker

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 27/03/2020 (2308 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I just met a man with a big ego who claims my dad, who died in the last year, had always wanted me to meet him because he thought I’d like him a lot. He said he “waited a year” before introducing himself, out of respect for my father. What? Is this the 1800s and my papa is matchmaking from the grave? 

I puffed up and told him I had my own friends thank you very much, and I didn’t want or need a boyfriend and certainly not one using my father as “pressure” to get a date.

He laughed and said, “Your dad told me you had a flash temper and I like that in a woman, so I pushed your buttons on purpose!” That made me laugh (and snort), and he talked me into a quick coffee “for no reason.” 

We talked and laughed for two and a half hours. I caught on to his mischievous nature, but then I was surprised because he didn’t ask to see me again. Not one word. 

Now I’m in the sticky position of wanting to see him again and having told him off the top I’d never consider him. So what should I do?

— Missing the Jerk, Norwood

Dear Missing the Jerk: Call him up and tell him you’d like to “spend more time in his annoying presence!” That should make you both laugh and then the ice is broken. 

This guy was smart enough not to ask you for a date after the coffee went well. He needed you to miss him a little and realize you actually wanted to see him yourself. (He’s got my vote now.)

Did you know that parents often know what kind of person would be good for their son or daughter, but are scared of a rude rebuff if they try to matchmake? It may be your dear old dad who gets the last laugh on this one!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My lady had a husband before me, but he didn’t work out so well. He’s married to a guy now. She had no idea he was bisexual or gay. Since she doesn’t have any confidence in her ability to spot this, she is ever-vigilant. 

This time around she picked a macho blue-collar guy (me) who she thought would be safe. She’s 100 per cent right. I am solidly straight. So it annoys me when she criticizes things I wear if they look the least bit effeminate. 

I used to wear pink shirts to the disco on Fridays as everybody did for a while way-back-when. Why? Because it was a laugh on a big tough guy like me and it’s actually a colour that looks good on me. She found a box of my old pink shirts in the basement of my house, which we share now — sporty golf shirts. 

She freaked out as if I was hiding some other side of my sexuality from her. I explained, but she only half-believed me. I laughingly told this story at a recent party but she didn’t think it was funny and cried after the party. What can I do to get her to do to relax about the “gay” thing?

— Just Like The Colour Pink, St. James

Dear Pink: It takes time to relax after being fooled big-time by someone you love. So it will take a long time for you being super-sensitive to that — and not playing any games with her — before she totally relaxes. You had to know that telling that pink shirt story would trigger her insecurities, so why did you do it?  You should tread very softly, my friend, if you want to keep her happy and secure, and there with you. 

Be aware, it’s much easier to pack up and go after you’ve had a broken marriage, as the “marriage is forever“ belief is gone with an ill wind.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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