Don’t further muddle colleague’s marriage

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 25/04/2020 (2298 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m falling in love with a man who’s not only married, but works in my office. We are two of a few who still have to come in to work.

We give each other at least six feet of space, and no hanky-panky is going on, but there isn’t a lot of work. We have talked way too much, which makes us feel closer and closer.

We have exchanged childhood secrets and intimate stories of going through high school, different post-secondary relationships and all our jobs. Believe me, we have each other’s histories — but not much is said about his marriage. He never talks about his wife. I tried to get it out of him, but she’s forbidden territory. I’m single, in my 30s, with no kids and I don’t want any.

Finally the other day, I asked if his marriage was good, and he said no. Then I asked him if he still loved his wife, and he said, “Yes, but she doesn’t love me anymore and won’t sleep with me.” Finally he was talking, so I asked why she wasn’t sleeping with him, and he said, “Because I had a meaningless affair three years ago when she was pregnant, and she caught me.” He says she stayed for the home and security — and an in-home dad for the children.

Why shouldn’t I have an affair with this man? I’m so tempted and he’s so cute, sexy and lonely. Tell me quickly, because I’m starting to lose strength.

— Sorely Tempted, Downtown

Dear Tempted: What this man really wants is to have his wife back loving him and making love with him, plus his kids under the same roof. He has stayed there in the hopes of that. His wife hasn’t left him yet, and he hasn’t left her, so there’s some hope.

If you did have an affair, he’d have the sex that’s missing and the adoration from you, but he still wouldn’t have his wife’s love. What that couple really needs is marriage counselling to help put them back together as a loving couple.

There is no room for you in this situation, and you would just get your heart ripped out in the end — and feel the need to quit your job.

Thank goodness there are many more men in the world than this one. You really need to find someone else.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I got into a drunken fist-fight with a cousin, who was like a brother to me. It happened about six months ago. He said something I didn’t like about my girlfriend at the time. She’d been flirting with him — throwing herself at him, more like. I accused him and he called her a few dirty names.

I’m a little guy, but I got mad and knocked out two of his teeth. We haven’t spoken for six months, but I recently got a dentist bill in the mail with a scribbled note from him saying he can’t pay, because “YOU caused it.” He says I could have gotten in trouble for assault, but I didn’t because he didn’t go to the police.

What should I do? He knows I still have steady work, but I don’t have money for a huge dentist bill.

— Sorry, But Kinda Broke, North End

Dear Sorry: You might want to talk to a lawyer, or simply write a series of cheques to the dentist to cover that bill, and add an explanation to the dentist. Then send your cousin photo proof of that letter and the cheques.

Also, since you two cousins were like brothers, and you were drunk at the time, you might want to apologize. Yes, you should go first, since you assaulted him and did the physical damage. Expect that he may give you a cool reception at first, but it’s a first step towards being friends again. But remember, my friend, you still need to pay your cousin for the teeth, though he may break down and chip in — if you patch things up.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife and I are getting on each other’s nerves, being home all the time with the quarantine thing. She told me I’m doing nothing around the house, so I might as well start doing half the (bleeping) cooking.

I tried it and I didn’t like it. She’s a much better cook. Last night it was my turn again, and I’d run out of ideas, so I only cooked a couple of packages of macaroni and cheese for the two of us.

She refused her plateful, said it wasn’t a real dinner, and proceeded to cook herself a pork chop, baked potato and veggies, and made a little salad for herself — she wasn’t even sharing that. My mouth was watering, but she sat there alone at the dining room table and ate everything herself. I got some baloney and added it to my plate of macaroni, and ate in the living room, watching TV. She went to bed early in the spare bedroom.

If we’re going to start leading separate lives, our marriage may be one of the fatalities of the coronavirus. What now? Please help with this.

— Cooking for Myself and Sleeping Alone, St. Boniface 

Dear Alone: This is not a divorce brewing. You’re just going stir crazy, like so many other people. The root of this problem is too much togetherness, and not enough to do that feels important. You need projects now, both together and apart.

It’d be best if they included physical work at home and fresh air. So a house project like painting a room or two, yard work or an early-spring garden, with some plants started in the house, would be a good start.

Plus, if you’re pet lovers, a new pet could add to the fun and novelty of the household. Instead of looking at each other and wanting to criticize and fight, you will have new beings to occupy your minds and emotions.

As for the cooking, you’re not off the hook! You can read, so make some simple meals straight out of a cookbook when it’s your turn.

 

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.