Time to look for spontaneous, rugrat-ready mate

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 30/04/2020 (2333 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I was sleeping on my back when my kids came running in and jumped on top of me and my new boyfriend. I’m used to it, but he’s new to our family and he was clearly embarrassed. He jumped up fast to put on a robe over his bare chest. The kids wanted to play-wrestle, but he made some lame excuse and got his jacket on fast and went home — no kiss — looking quite annoyed.

He barely spoke to my innocent little boys. They are only three and four, and like little bear cubs, they love to roughhouse with their dad at his house, so they thought my new guy would like to play, too.

I was shocked at how cold he was with them, almost disgusted. I must say my opinion of him now is shaky now. What kind of guy, dating a mom with two little boys, would slither off quickly like a snake in the grass after her two cute little guys tried to play with him?

— Not Impressed, St. James

Dear Not Impressed: Obviously, this is not your kind of guy, and you can thank him for the confirmation that morning. He’s saved you a lot of time deciding if it’d be good to get serious with him. You really need a guy who likes kids, is warm to them and can play with them. You also need a guy who’s spontaneous — not someone who has to have everything going according to plan.

He may have wanted more intimate time with you that morning, and it would have been wise to lock the door and teach the kids to knock in the morning. But you didn’t, and kids wake up hungry and full of beans, looking for mom (and in this case her new boyfriend) to play and have some breakfast with them. The right guy for you would be fine with that!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a sweet American woman on the beach on my winter holiday in January, and now I can’t get back to see her because of the coronavirus. I talk to her on the phone every day, and my feelings keep growing for her. If these were normal times, I’d go down there and sweep her up and take her on a holiday to Hawaii, but I can’t.

She is young (21) and impatient, and yesterday spoke to me about “whether we should keep in contact.” What? I couldn’t believe it! It’s not like she can go out and meet somebody new right now anyway, and I thought we were getting along like wildfire. And I do mean that literally. She was really coming on to me for phone sex, and I was happy to indulge her.

I realize a guy of 35 might be too old for a 21-year-old in the long run, but she doesn’t want a marriage situation until she’s out of college and working, she told me. I didn’t mind. I’m not dying to have a marriage and kids, although a woman like her could change my mind. How do I keep her talking to me until I can finally visit her? I feel sick to my stomach over this development. Please help.

— Feeling The Ground Shifting, Tuxedo

Dear Ground Shifting: Unfortunately, there are many things stacked against you as time goes on. At the beach, with both of you on holiday, age differences can melt away for a time. There’s no work, no responsibilities and no family watching and judging. You’re just there to meet people, party, talk and have fun. And there’s generally a pleasing aftermath if you hit it off well together. She clearly liked you and had fun being sexy on the phone for a while, but the holiday feeling has started to wear off after three months.

Now your age and physical distance are two strikes against you. Also, COVID-19 is scary for most people and she probably feels alone as most everyone does, and needs to feel more in tune with her young crowd at home, even if they’re hanging out on phone or online, and not in person. To her, you may feel extremely far away.

Let’s talk turkey. This young woman’s family will no doubt look askance at a 35-year-old man trying to scoop up their daughter to take her away to Hawaii — or anywhere. Plus, her friends who are not in their 30s would consider tales of your romance with her an oddity. That’s a lot of pressure on a very young woman.

If she wants to end it, she’s free to make that choice, and it seems she wants to make it sooner rather than later. Let her go like the grown-up gentleman you are, but leave the door open a crack. It’s sad for you because you really cared, beyond the holiday romance.

Next time you’re on holiday, consider a woman who is closer to your stage in life and is independent enough to handle a long-distance relationship, if it comes to that, and possibly have a real love relationship with you down the road. This young lady you met may still be living at home. No doubt she is beautiful and fun, but, at best, she’s barely out of the nest!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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