Time to have an honest chat about unearthed flame

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This article was published 01/05/2020 (2285 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I had nothing to do, so I started digging in the messy basement to see what I could find, re-organize or shred. Imagine my surprise when I came across a dirty old box crammed inside a bigger box of clothes and under smelly old running shoes.

It was my husband’s box from when he was in college, and it was full of stuff from his college girlfriend. I must admit I read some of her love letters to him after he met me and broke up with her. They were heart-rending, very raw. She said she would “love him until the day she dies” and they were signed by her very unusual first name.

Here’s the bad part: This weird first name has been coming up casually here and there in conversation with my husband over the last year. All I know is the woman is in the same profession as my husband. I didn’t know there was any connection from before. Now I’m nervous. What if she’s making a play for him? What if he’s responding?

I have no idea what his work life is like. I’m sure they could do consultations sometimes. I suppose you could say I snooped, and got what I deserved, but please help.

— Scared But Needing to Know, St. Vital

Dear Scared: Since this mystery is driving you crazy and making you sick, you have to tell him what you found and that you notice he’s in contact with her again. Don’t make accusations. Just be quiet and let him talk.

Watch his face. If he tries to pass it off without explanation and says you have nothing to worry about, you may have something to worry about. If he sits down easily and explains about their relationship, and if he sees her for any reason, you may have nothing to worry about. If he says her name like he doesn’t know it, he’s likely lying.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’ve never been that hot on sex with my beautiful wife, but she has the hots for me. Lucky thing, or we’d have no kids! My excuse is typically that I am so busy with work, projects, our teenagers’ sports and male buddies that I just don’t have the energy.

Now I’m at home working, with less to do. My old excuses have disappeared and my wife’s after me all the time for sex, but she just doesn’t turn me on. The things I’m into are available online, but they’re a little too “out there” to suggest to my church-going wife, mother of my teenage kids.

In a fit of frustration this week, she said I should trust her with my fantasies and she reeled off an impressive handful of hot scenarios. I was amazed! Shocked is more the word.

But the scenes she mentioned were not the same stuff I’m into. Please advise me: I think there may be some hope, as she’s not the goody two-shoes I mistakenly thought she was.

— Her Intrigued Husband, Charleswood

Dear Intrigued Husband: Your wife is someone you don’t know completely!

She might say of your sexual interests, “Why not give it a whirl?” You might offer a trade: you try one of her sexual scenes; she tries one of yours.

You say she’s beautiful, but my guess is you see her as “mom” now, instead of the sexual woman you married. If there’s a motherly confusion turn-off here, you could probably get it cleared away with some counselling. Clearly your wife doesn’t think of you as dad! She’s got the hots for you and you’re lucky it has lasted through many years of discouraging her.

I must ask if your hidden interest is a sexual turn-on by men. If so it’s time you talked about that with your wife. It’s not fair to carry on the ruse of being heterosexual, while starving her for sex because you’re “too busy or too tired.”

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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