Send cheap, spoiled lout back home to mommy

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 30/11/2020 (2091 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend stopped paying his half of the rent, although he still has his job. He started giving me one-third, because I make more money than he does, and he stopped chipping in for groceries and started going to drive-thrus.

I have to cook real meals, as I am a diabetic. He takes leftover meat from suppers I cook to make big meal-size sandwiches in the evening. I’d hate to throw him out during a pandemic, but he is really taking advantage of me. I’m so disgusted, I’ve stopped sleeping with him, so he doesn’t even serve that purpose.

I told him he had to start paying half the rent and groceries again, or look for another roommate and he said, “Who’s going to take somebody in, during a pandemic? Don’t be such a (witch)!” His mommy dotes on him and has spoiled him so badly he thinks women owe him an easy ride. I’ve had enough of being used! Please advise.

— Can’t Throw Him Out, St. James

Dear Can’t Throw Him: Phone his mom and tell her you’re about to put him out of your place, because he’s not paying his way and explain to her what else he’s been doing. Ask her if there’s a bed for him at her place. If she says yes, tell him he’s moving out, that you know his mother will take him back, because you talked to her. He may be furious, or he may be relieved to sink back into that cheap, comfortable life.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My new girlfriend is younger than me by five years and a cute little sex monkey — five-foot-nothing and 95 pounds. She’s always revved up and ready to go, and she’s funny about it. Last night she jumped on my back like a monkey when I came in the door. But I was tired, and not amused.

I’m a laid-back kind of guy by nature, and after the first few months of living together, I stopped wanting that pace anymore. Now, she thinks I don’t care about her as much, and that’s not the case. I love her more and more every day, but I’m not a wild animal. If I tell her I want her to back off a bit sexually she’s going to think I’m just like the last boyfriend who called her nasty names because she had such a strong sexual appetite. What can I do without hurting her, or losing her?

—Loving My Monkey, Downtown

Dear Loving: This may sound strange, but the best way to get her to relax about getting all the sex she thinks she needs, is to voluntarily give her more than she wants. The last boyfriend starved her and shamed her. You came into her life and acted like a crazy monkey yourself for a time — but now you’ve backed off.

Could you compromise and be happy with frequent sex, if you could create a kind of schedule that doesn’t impinge on the times when you want to relax? Once she’s satisfied and feeling secure in your feelings, her sexual neediness will probably decrease.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girlfriend went back to live in Alberta in September because she was new to Manitoba and said she didn’t have anybody in her safety bubble here, except me and one friend. She was living with a roommate here who was an old friend from home. Now she is back in her home province with a nice little circle at work, her parents and best girlfriends, and I’m pretty much alone.

I talk online to friends but that’s not the same. My girlfriend phones every night and we have phone sex sometimes, but deep down, I feel like she abandoned me when it was really important. I feel like telling her to get lost, but then I’ll have no intimacy at all in my life. My buddies and I play games online at night, but that’s getting old.

Yesterday, she said she’d like to come back to Manitoba and me when the COVID thing is over, as she’s getting “mighty bored.” I said “uh-huh” but I heard a voice in the back of my head saying, “over my dead body.” Is that what I really think? I guess I’m angrier than I thought. Should take her back like before, when she totally owned my heart?

— Pulled in Two Directions, Westwood

Dear Pulled: She sounds young, or at least immature, and pandemics are scary times when people have fears of losing family members. It’s understandable you feel abandoned by her and it might take a long while before you’d regain enough trust to want her back. But she is missing you a lot, and realizing how much she feels.

With vaccines coming sometime in 2021, and depression lifting, you may find you change your mind. Don’t cut her off right now, but tell her honestly about how you are feeling about being left, and give her a chance to address those hurt feelings and apologize.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography