Husband’s pandemic makeover should be a wake-up call

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This article was published 06/12/2020 (2083 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband of 23 years has never really taken an interest in his personal appearance. He never cared one bit about stylish clothing. The one time he dressed up was at our wedding.

I’ve slowly stopped dressing up, because what was the point? He didn’t even own a suit.

Now, for the past eight months, he’s been exercising with weights in the basement and eating more healthily. And he’s been ordering stylish clothing online. He even purchased an expensive men’s cologne.

He also has been taking long solo drives. I’m not invited.

Does he think I’m an idiot? Losing weight, new clothes, sexy cologne and taking long solo drives? I’m not university-educated, but the signs point towards an affair.

I love my husband and don’t want him to leave me, but I’m afraid it might be too late. If I confront him, will he leave me and go to her? Our children are all grown up and gone. — Scared, St. Boniface

Dear Scared: There are two ways to go at this. You can confront him now, find out everything he’s unhappy about with you, get online or phone counselling (if he’s willing) and try to make changes. Or, you can compete.

He may recognize your effort as self-improvement to impress him. Or, if you’re not always sitting at home, he may start to suspect he’s losing you to another — and he might hate that idea.

A good plan might be to do both at the same time. Sharpen up your game, instead of looking and feeling miserable.

Are you two still affectionate verbally or sexually? At least amp up the verbal, as a little praise goes a long way when things have grown cold.

Do start getting out of the house more, without explaining everywhere you go. Then you can confront him from a position of strength — not as the poor, rejected partner, crying at home.

You may or may not want to repair this relationship in the end. COVID-19 has revealed the true state of many people’s relationships, now that they can’t bury themselves in sports, arts or other activities with friends, or be too immersed with work to notice the marriage.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This COVID thing has been kind of interesting for my style of love life. I was always a guy who got around to a lot of different ladies in a year. That ended almost a year ago when I met a really special woman at Christmas time.

When the three-month period ended in the spring — the usual time when I’d get restless — we were into COVID time, and my casual romance world was finished for a time. I moved in with her in the spring to be safe in a bubble.

She has a tiny child. I was instantly “Daddy” to her child, without asking for the title… but really ended up kind of liking it. I fell in love with my “daughter” and now it almost makes sense to buy a diamond ring and make her mommy my legal wife.

I love her, but looking at my past, I don’t trust my roving eye beyond the end of COVID. — Sadly, a Mover, Brando

Dear Mover: Don’t buy a diamond engagement ring this Christmas to make your girlfriend happy, because you think she deserves it.

You only buy a ring when you really want to get married and settle down — and she does, too.

You’d be doing nobody any favours to marry and then get restless and start chasing other women.

Don’t feel sorry for this woman. If you don’t have the strength for this big move, you’ll be missed for a while. But a “wonderful” young woman with a loving child will find another man who does have what it takes to commit to a serious relationship and marriage — and possibly more children.

If you’re not that kind of guy, diamond earrings indicate deep caring and sensuality, which would be a more appropriate gift from you this year.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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