Quality time key to harmonizing new business, home life

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 12/12/2020 (2084 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I had plans to open a business when I was a young kid — and finally did it at age 40. I felt like it needed to happen now, or it never would.

My wife was very supportive, but now she is letting it come between us. She says I work too much. Maybe I do, but I told her that beforehand, and she was supportive!

Things are finally starting to take off. I can afford to hire someone to help, and one of our relatives is willing to do it. Then I’ll be able to spend a little more time with my wife — but the way she’s been acting, I don’t even want to.

I feel like I’ll have to pretend I’m sorry about my new business— which I’m not — or she’ll hold that over me. What should I do here? — Problem With Self-Centred Wife

Dear Problem: Unhappy mates are often really complaining about lack of undivided attention — like you had on dates. A little bit can go a long way.

Are you one of those busy people confusing literal physical presence with actually being present — concentrating on your beloved and really listening? Then you wonder why she doesn’t want to make love when you fall into bed after she’s already been sleeping for two hours.

Being with her doesn’t count if you’re at the computer taking orders and sending out quick emails at the same time.

How would you like it if she also went her way with a new job or hobby and never spent time with you that counted as private time?

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Just an observation on the letters from older women who are outraged at the thought of a seniors’ home. (They wrote in reaction to Oldest Daughter Blues, who was trying to urge her mother on that route. — Miss L.)

Fortunately for these older women, they are in excellent health with no physical impairments and I’m glad for them. The thing is, many of us are in the position of having to cope with a parent where it has become impossible, much against their wishes or ours, for them to remain at home.

This is heartbreaking; if ever we go through an ultimate guilt trip, this is it.

I don’t know if anyone is “ready” for this transition but I know there are a lot of us who have had to sadly cope with this situation.

Not everyone can stay in their home to the end. — Been Through It, Manitoba

Dear Been Through It: I take it you experienced this before COVID hit. Now adult children are pulling their hair out over what to do about their elderly family members who really can’t live independently any more.

There are no easy answers at this point.

Dear Readers: A lot of people wrote in to comment on the issue of homemade ice rinks and the possibility of ruining grass. Here is a last little story.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: When we moved to our new home 40 years ago, we had an older couple as neighbours.

When our two sons were in junior high, I built a rink, and killed all the grass at the back of our yard.

The next summer, I was complaining to my neighbour and here were her wise words: “How many years will your boys still be home, and want to play hockey with you? How many years will you have to grow grass? Build a rink!” — P. W., Winkler

Please send questions to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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