Diversionary tactics can save Zoom Christmas

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This article was published 15/12/2020 (2079 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts:  My dad is an anti-masker, and he seems to have really bought into all the conspiracy theories of late.

This year we are having Christmas dinner over Zoom, just as we did for Thanksgiving. That dinner ended abruptly with him and me arguing about masks, and he logged off in rage.

For Christmas, my mom has asked me not to talk about it, and while I agreed, I am frustrated because I know my dad, and he’s not going to stay quiet.

Why should I not defend masking? He drives me crazy! Do I just skip Christmas dinner this year? — Dreading Dinner, North End

Dear Dreading: That seems extreme. Dad can be tricked. Make a deal with a good talker in the family, that if dad starts into an anti-masking rant, you two will interrupt loudly and start in on a totally different and fun topic (agreed upon before dinner) and carry the conversation away from trouble.

That topic may be so far from the COVID masking topic that people will be startled, but it doesn’t matter. They will soon understand what’s going on, start joining in and be grateful Christmas dinner wasn’t ruined by your father.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I spotted something my ex-boyfriend would love for his favourite collection and want to buy it for him.

I broke up with him a year ago and I have a new boyfriend who is so much better for me, I would never leave him. But I know how much my ex would love this object, and I want to gift it to him for old time’s sake. I spent five years with the guy.

My best friend says my ex might think I want him back, but I don’t want that. What do you think? — Generous Ex, St. Boniface

Dear Generous: Leave your poor ex alone! He’d most certainly see that gift as a come-on, and you don’t want him back. We can’t go with all our impulses, even if they are generous.

Look, you may be an innocent ex, but It seems more likely you can’t stand looking like the bad person in a breakup, and want to buy back some friendly feelings.

Sometimes things just have to end entirely, and we have to walk away and let the other person heal.

Here’s a test: If you’re so anxious for your ex to have that object for his collection, tell a friend of his where you saw it, and he can tell your former boyfriend.

Not appealing? Then you had an ulterior motive in wanting to give the gift yourself.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My big son (six feet tall already) has been hanging out with a girl lately. He’s 16 and she’s 18, and they seem very affectionate. I’m worried about them having unprotected sex.

I also want to get him started in this world with a responsible attitude towards women and sex. But I just cringe when I think about talking with him about it.

What are some good starters for having the conversation? Should I give him condoms, or just tell him to use one? What is appropriate here? — Nervous Dad, River Heights

Dear Nervous Dad: Start by saying: “You’re getting to an age where having sex may come up. I have a few recommendations since I’m sure you don’t want to become a father until you’re ready, and you won’t want to get any sexually transmitted infections. So, to start, here’s a box of good quality condoms — just so you have them, if you ever need them.”

Explain that condoms protect against all kinds of things, but they can fail on occasion, so it’s necessary your partner is also using a method of contraception. If she needs more information, the Women’s Health Clinic is available (womenshealthclinic.org).

One last tip for your son? Carry a couple with him wherever he goes, so they’re not at home when he’s elsewhere.

Too shy to have the talk? Write a note and hand it to your son with the condom box, or give him a slip of paper with a website address for good information you’ve checked out.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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