Stick to the classics for romantic proposal do-over

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 11/03/2021 (1993 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I reluctantly asked my girlfriend of three years to move in, just to get through COVID-19 — and surprised myself by finally falling deeply in love with her. I’d had my foot on the brakes as long as she lived at her parents’ house. I thought I’d never want to be in a husband/wife scenario like her old-world parents had.

Then the virus arrived, and things got complicated. She said she wasn’t sure about marriage herself, because she didn’t want to do the majority of the housekeeping like her mama did, or get pressured to have a bunch of kids by her folks. They hated it when she moved in with me without being married. I am No. 1 on their Bad Guy list!

So, their daughter and I started to play house at my little bungalow. Now the place looks and smells great and she has me splitting chores with her while we blast the music on Saturdays, and cook different dishes from cookbooks. I had all the electronics — a dishwasher, clothes washer and dryer, and a robotic vacuum which she loves.

My house went from a dump to a really cool-looking place because of both of us working together. One night, I realized we should be a team for life, and I was “totally in love” — so much more than before.

I rolled over and asked her to marry me. She said no — and started crying. I was in shock. I asked her why, and she couldn’t tell me. Finally, after a lot of tears, she said, “Because you didn’t want to ask me for three years when you were sleeping with me! I think you only want me now because the house looks great.”

And then this: “You didn’t get down on one knee and propose! You didn’t even have a ring for me!”

Wow! I was speechless. I couldn’t argue. I guess I acted like I’d done her a favour by finally flipping her the big question. What now? She’s way too quiet. I’m afraid I’m going to lose her, if I haven’t already. — Dough Head, Wolseley

Dear Dough Head: Your lady disappointed her old-world parents (and perhaps herself) by living with you without any sort of marriage commitment.

If you don’t love her enough to propose to her again in a way she can brag about to the parents about (as in, “See! He is a beautiful guy who loves and respects me deeply!”) then maybe you aren’t the right husband for her.

She’s done everything your too-casual way, up until now. She needs it to be done “right,” or she’s not into it.

There’s no time to lose, my friend. Get out there and find a diamond ring in a style you think she’d like. Then buy a dozen red roses. Remember, she wants a fancy proposal in a romantic spot with you, all dressed up like Prince Charming, and down on one knee. Arrange that at home, if necessary, with a fancy dinner you bring home. Phone her from the restaurant and request she dress up. Make sure to take photos. And good luck to you!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I meet my lover and we go walking in the woods at different parks. We met through work two years ago and we were best friends instantly. We are both married to the wrong person.

My own husband wants to have a baby and he’s a very nice guy. I’m so in love with my other man, I’m secretly taking the pill so I can’t get pregnant. My lover is older, and I’ve tried to leave him, but I can’t, as he owns my heart.

He has teenage children, and a wife who drinks heavily and can’t manage the kids on her own. This whole thing is such a tangled web. I don’t know what to do. — Hopelessly Loving Older Man, Winnipeg

Dear Hopelessly: One thing is clear: you owe it to your husband to free him so he can find someone else. But your affair partner may need to stay with the family to look after the kids while they’re at home.

So where does that leave you? If you stay with him and he stays with his family, it’s unlikely you’ll be having babies with him for a long time, if at all.

Think hard. Is that OK with you? Maybe you need to look for someone who has many of the qualities of your lover, but is a free man.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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