Don’t toy with smitten playmate’s affections

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 15/04/2021 (2008 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts:  I got way into a sexual relationship with a guy I didn’t love, and now he’s declaring his love for me. I was just amusing myself (and him!) to pass the time. He loved it!

Because I wasn’t worried about impressing him, I could go way out with the costuming, toys and dominance scenes. I was never afraid of being called names — as some men are wont to do when they’re being out-classed in the power department.

Now he says he loves the real me — the sweet person inside the vixen. I’m not sure I love my little man. I like him a lot as a playmate, but I know he’s not my forever kind of guy. Help! — Feeling Awkward, Tuxedo

Dear Feeling Awkward: It’s tough to be told you’re “just a playmate” if you’re the one falling in love. You’re going to have to be very careful you don’t utterly crush this guy.

If you’re not going to hurt him more than necessary, you’re going to have to make a clean break and give up the hot sex with him.

Now that he knows which type of role he likes to play in a power scene — the submissive lover — he can more easily seek out a new partner, once he gets over you.

And, next time out, he’s going to look for a woman who’s open to a real romance, including power scenes, and not just looking for a playmate.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: As the old song goes, “I’m so lonesome I could cry.” With the pandemic, I, among many others at my company, am working from home. Now they’re going through “a restructuring.” The company has decided that working from home has many benefits (for them!) and now home is where I will be working permanently.

Here’s a secret: I never really made many friends or contacts at my work. All I was focused on was putting 100 per cent into my career and getting big projects up and running.

I never really dated either, as my profession was mostly female. Work was all I needed or cared about. Climbing the corporate ladder was my only goal — and I got way up there over the years!

As much as I was laser-focused on my career, at least I was among people every day. Now I’m extremely lonely — no real friends to speak of and no family here in Winnipeg.

I’m a 56-year-old woman who’s financially secure. I don’t want for anything material, but my heart feels empty.

Why, after all these years, am I suddenly hurting? The walls are starting to close in on me. How do I start changing my life? — Business Smart, People Stupid, Garden City

Dear Business Smart: There are a lot of hidden advantages in getting shifted into the full-time work-from-home situation now. First, the business-smart part of you can start fixing the “people-stupid“ part, and make you a more complete and happy person.

Like any business project, first you have to make a plan: Decide on a minimum of three types of activity areas you need to develop in 2021, like outdoor sports activities such as walking, cycling, golfing or baseball. To balance that part of your brain, you may want to try an arts activity totally foreign to you.

On top of that you need a caring activity for the heart — perhaps where you find ways to volunteer for people in difficult circumstances. Fellow volunteers tend to be people with big hearts — great to have some new friends like that.

For social contacts, Adventures for Successful Singles (adventuresforsuccessfulsingles.com) operates safe, social activities in many areas and are very COVID careful. This group is primarily composed of people in their 40s to 60s.

Now you’re home full time, let me also suggest you take into your heart a pet who will think you are absolutely special. You can get out with a dog that needs regular walks or runs — as do you! Some cats are great fun and will go out on a leash or in a bike carrier. (Fish are too easy, girlfriend!)

It’s time to open up your life and create a “warming situation” for yourself, so being “stuck” at home may be the greatest unexpected blessing for you!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography