Don’t let past mistakes define current relationship

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 05/05/2021 (1940 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a woman who’s been in a loving, faithful relationship for almost a year. Finding love during COVID was a miracle. I thought we were getting so close I could tell my man anything. Stupid me! Two weeks ago, after a few drinks, I confessed the reason my last relationship ended. I didn’t cheat on my ex, but I did exchange flirty texts with other men. When my new love found that out, his face fell. His trust was shattered.

I’ve done no flirting with other guys in my current relationship, but I can feel the mistrust now. He finds excuses to spy over my shoulder when I’m texting, and asks me pointed questions about who I’m talking with and if it’s a guy.

I’ve done nothing to warrant this behaviour from him, and it feels like past demons coming back to haunt me. Am I doomed to have this stain on my record forever? If so, should I end things with him and find somebody else — and just keep silent about everything in my past next time?

— Unjustly Mistrusted, St. Boniface

Dear Mistrusted: Don’t give up yet, but do initiate more talks with this new love, so he expresses all his worries. Tire the subject out for him. Be clear you never “dated” anyone else, though you were flirty. When he comes up behind you to try to see who you’re talking to, say patiently, “Have a real look, darling, nothing is going on.”

This might build back trust, and also embarrass him enough to stop it. But, if his suspicions don’t subside in a month or so, it may be time to move on, as a relationship without trust will be hurtful for both of you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’ve been struggling with my mental health recently, because of COVID. Every time I’d meet people online on a Zoom hangout (where groups can chat visibly) I’d feel depressed for days. I needed to see people in person!

I live with my partner, but one person just isn’t enough. I feel like a video game character whose socialization meter is constantly empty. My friends ask me to hang out online, and then act like I’m creating my own problems if I decline to take part. My partner’s patience has been exemplary but I feel like eventually that’s going to end, too.

— Zoom Doom, Southdale

Dear Zoom Doom: Your brain is your friend in this, not your enemy. It was saying you needed to give Zooming a break, because it feels like a tease to you. It just makes you hungrier for real contact.

The good news? Spring weather is finally here. Now it’s time to go outdoors with your sweetheart. With a bike, a backpack full of food and drinks, and good hiking shoes, you can enjoy outdoor adventures alongside a real live person.

Got a vehicle? You can also plan trips to explore parks, lakes, and nature. Take cameras for sunsets, binoculars for birds and animals and, if possible, a telescope to point at the stars. The COVID rules for social contact keep changing, so check for updates every day. Then plan outdoor meetings with people you are allowed to see, while safeguarding yourself and those around you. COVID times are very difficult, but, as we know, the way out of this pandemic is to spend most of our visiting time with very few people.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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