Don’t let conspiracy theories endanger family

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 03/06/2021 (1912 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband has a real problem with authority and it has become much worse during the pandemic.

He was always the type to tell people, “Don’t tell me what to do!” and I always sort of admired it. Now, it has morphed into an anti-mask attitude and somehow embracing conspiracy theories I never imagined he’d be fool enough to believe.

I feel like I’m losing him. He’s angry or annoyed all the time, and it’s driving me nuts. I don’t agree with him and don’t pretend to, and we are often fighting now.

I sent our little kids to their grandparents’ farm and I mask myself around their father, as he goes anywhere he pleases with his bare face, and meets with his anti-masking buddies.

I work from home and recently I’ve been sleeping in one of the kids’ bedrooms.

Don’t get me wrong! I don’t want to break up with the father of my children; I just want the man I married back! Is it too late?

I just can’t risk myself and my kids. I may soon be packing up and moving to the farm too, if this keeps up.— Wife of Know-It-All, Winnipeg

Dear Wife: Oddly enough, you were attracted to your husband for his in-your-face attitude, but that was when it wasn’t a matter of life and death for him, you and the kids.

The fate of a COVID “mixed marriage” with a masker and anti-masker comes down to a question of danger and risk, especially with the extremely contagious new variants of concern.

You’re lucky you have grandparents for the kids to stay with out on the farm, and it’s spring, so they can play outside.

As for your marriage — when push comes to shove — you must do whatever keeps you and the children safe. Your husband may have to be on his own for a time in the city.

Your parents will have to back you on the “no-visiting without a mask” edict. Good luck with this difficult problem.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: “You’re not the one who’s dead, but you act like it!” is what my sister yelled at me last week. That was really rude and disgusting, but I know she’s right.

I’m a widower in my late 60s. My wife fought cancer for many years, but her life on Earth ended three years ago. I’ve spent the last three years mourning for her. We were each other’s best friends and lovers.

After my sister kicked me in the pants, I finally realized I’ve been like the walking dead. I’ve decided I want to come alive again and start meeting some new people. (I feel guilty even saying that.)

Whether it leads to romance or not, I don’t really care. I’d like some romance in my life again, of course, but that can come in time.

My friends and family all say my wife “loved life” and would have wanted me to move on. Do you think that’s true? — Lonely and Restless, River Heights

Dear Lonely and Restless: Your friends and family knew your wife’s personality. They’re not just giving you a line. Think about it; your wife wouldn’t have wanted to see you actively mourning for three long years.

Start thinking of her as cheering you on, rather than holding you back, and realize you’re not hurting her. Then loosen your grip on the memories you have that make you think you owe her this deep and constant grief.

What you need in order to “come alive” again are some projects that are exciting to you. Building anything outdoors — or even supervising a work crew from a COVID-safe distance — would be an exciting thing to do, to get your mind creating and your feet outside the door.

Do you have connection to a lake or country property? Do you have the funds to buy land and work on a cottage, or even find yourself a trailer to use, and landscape the area around it?

As for your personal life, you definitely need a reboot. There’s a book by Bruce Fisher and Robert Alberti called Rebuilding When Your Relationship Ends. You should track it down and start reading it now. It’ll help bring you up, mood-wise.

By the way, you may not be ready for human romance yet, but there’s nothing quite like animal friends such as a bird, cat or dog to offer love, affection, activity and laughter.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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