Not-so-handy hubby’s heart in right place

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 01/06/2021 (1907 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband and I decided to renovate our house during the pandemic. He’s “handy” — like he can bang a nail, but that’s about it. He’s an office worker by day — a computer nerd — not a carpenter, plumber or electrician. He’s just not a professional builder, is what I’m saying.

Big problem! He’s also headstrong and insists on doing all the work he “thinks” he can handle. We now have an expensive unusable kitchen, three-quarters done. We’re cooking in the basement. And we have a living room without a proper floor to carpet. For the last six months, he says he’ll get to it — but when he does, he gets fed up and cuts corners.

It feels like we wasted a ton of money, and when it’s finally finished, it’ll look like an amateur did most of it. I don’t have the heart to tell him how bad his work looks, as he doesn’t see it. In fact, he’s super-proud of it all and I hear him bragging on the phone to his brothers.

Do I just shut up and let him keep ruining our house? Do I push him to let me hire someone to come in and fix it all? That would certainly hurt his feelings. I don’t know what to do.

— Out of Control Renovation, St. James

Dear Out of Control: Start pitching in, so you’re part of the home team, and stop scowling. Whatever doesn’t work out will get fixed later. Your guy’s proud of his work, which he’s doing outside of his own daily job, so cut him some slack.

Without criticizing what he does, get quotes for some grunt work he hasn’t done yet (like the carpet installation prep). Say you’d like to hire a little help to move things along. Whatever you do, don’t crush the guy you love who’s trying to do something good for the family in this “spare time” — and he’s actually enjoying it so far.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m finally finished school and got a great job offer from outside the country. It sounds like it could be my dream job. My girlfriend has already made it clear she’s not leaving Canada before or after COVID-19, and expects me to say no to the job.

We love each other and have been together all through university, so on some level she already knew this is what I wanted to do with my life. Now that day has come, she’s mad and is giving me the silent treatment.

We spoke about it last week and haven’t hung out since. We both live with family. Part of me thinks she’s just trying to get used to not seeing me anymore, but it isn’t like I’m leaving tomorrow. It’d be in three months.

What do I do? Do I stay and wonder what life would have been like with my dream job? Do I go and wonder what life would have been like if I stayed with the woman I loved? Why is life unfair like this?

— Studious & Strapped for Solutions, south Winnipeg

Dear Studious: You shouldn’t give up your chance to do what you want with your career, but you can’t expect your girlfriend to just follow you blindly. Make a deal to go and check it out until Christmas and for her to visit you.

Who knows? You may hate the job, and not feel suited to the new country.

Look at this as a life experiment and your girlfriend is included in it, just as she would be in a marriage.

You should also be aware that things might not have settled down with COVID in three months, and you may be staying in Canada longer. In that case, the people who offered you the job might need to hire someone else.

Why torpedo your relationship when this is the woman you think you love? Try to find a decent compromise first, but if she won’t even try, then it may be time to say goodbye. She’s not the only woman in the world and you will meet others in a new country!

Work-wise, if all goes well, this may be your dream job.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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