Let brotherly bygones go, forge new relationship

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 09/07/2021 (1861 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My brother fell in love with my best girlfriend when he was in Grade 11. He was a big handsome guy, but only 16, and she was 17. She knew a lot more than he did about sex, I can tell you.

I was just out of school and 18, and already working. Once they started dating, they kept everything private and they both pulled away from me.

I was hurt, but I didn’t want to hear about her romance with my young brother because the idea of their having sex made me feel sick!

To be honest, I didn’t want to hear any complaints about him either, as our parents worked hard and my brother was the only real family I had at home.

Well, the lovebirds got pregnant, and had two kids one after the other, and then finally got married. Several years passed and they got into money problems, and he came over drunk and spilled all his complaints, including about her being cold to him.

I remember clapping my hands over my ears. He was saying, “I have no one else to tell!” I said, “Well, don’t tell me either! It makes me sick to my stomach to hear the details.”

In the end, he went to counselling with her, but the marriage still fell apart. They have shared custody, and he likes to bring the kidlets over and hang around.

He said a few days ago, kind of sadly, that he feels I didn’t extend a hand when he was in the middle of the breakup, but he wants to be friends now. Please help.

— Mixed Feelings, Wolseley

Dear Mixed: Your brother is blood, and his ex-wife is not. You still love him, and his ex is not coming back, so the path is clear for you to be good friends again as adults.

Why not extend a hand? Say you’re sorry you could not be there for him in a counselling role, as you knew them both too well, but that you’re happy to be friends again now.

Be aware you need to start slowly. Activities with the children are the key to keeping things light, like going to the beach, boating, golfing, building something like a sandbox.

Even playing board games with the children could be relaxing and fun. Just don’t hang out alone together, with nothing to do but talk about the remaining anger — and his post-breakup problems. Gently suggest he go for another couple of sessions with a counsellor to work out some really good answers.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m writing from the lake because there’s a problem next door — a gorgeous one. I’m able to work remotely and there’s been no problem until she moved in for the summer.

I can see her right now from where I’m writing you, through the trees. She rented the place alone and came over to say hello a week ago. She’s sitting on her dock wearing nothing. You heard me.

She calls herself an “unapologetic naturist.” I guess that was so I’d understand she’s not trying to attract me sexually. Well, too late, lady. I think of little else these days.

What should I do? She made a point of telling me she’s single. Should I walk over there in nothing but my towel, and ask if I can swim off her dock?

— Obsessed by a Mermaid, cottage country

Dear Obsessed: Rules are different for guys. You can’t just show up naked, just because she states she’s a nudist or “naturist.”

You’re going to have to write a note, walk over in your shorts and T-shirt and tape it on her door. Ask her in the note if she’d like to go swimming. Don’t knock on her door, as she might answer it in her birthday suit. Leave her your phone number and see if she calls you. Let us know how it goes!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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