It’s never been ideal time to start family

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 15/07/2021 (1857 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I feel really worried about having children. My husband wants to have them, but I can’t help feel it’d be cruel to bring a child into a world where it feels like every year things are getting worse — global warming, the increasing social divide, the price of housing.

My husband says I’m too caught up in the news, but this is really how I feel. And I’m not alone — a lot of my friends feel the same way.

Deep down I know I want to have kids someday, but it feels like things are too uncertain now. My dad told me things felt similar for a while in the ’70s and ’80s, and this is just a phase. What do you think? — Cynic or Realist? Wolseley

Dear Cynic or Realist: You get one shot at this life on Earth, or so we think. There’s never been a guaranteed good, safe time to have babies, so don’t shout “Doomsday!” and give up before you even start! More problems are introduced, but many get solved in time. It’s part of the “life on Earth” adventure.

If my parents were cynical, they might not have gotten married and had any of us four kids. They met right after the Second World War. My dad came home with PTSD (or “shell shock” as they then called it) and he was already over 30. He was six-feet tall, 40 pounds underweight and very fatigued, but he dived into an 18-month cram course in law for veterans with prior degrees. He met my mom before he was done. He loved her, but was hesitant to marry because he had nothing financially. He almost lost her because he dilly-dallied so long. She took off for B.C., broken-hearted, to work as a secretary. He came to his senses six months later, and sent her a little diamond ring in the mail.

Mom was already having sleep problems when they married, and after seeing a brain specialist found out she had narcolepsy, but she and dad went on to have the big family they wanted. During that time, the threat of nuclear war was real, and went on for decades.

It was scary, but the world has always been full of frightening things. Please don’t be afraid to have children. Get involved in fighting climate change and with any other issues that call out to you. Fight for change and defiantly live your life to the full!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I suck at making work/life decisions. When I try to make my situation better, I end up being more unhappy.

I left my job, as I wasn’t making enough money to live. Although I liked it, there wasn’t any opportunity for advancement — unless someone retired. I stayed only eight months, as a job using my master’s degree finally became available, with better pay. I was excited that years and years of hard work and sacrifice were starting to pay off.

Now all I want is out! This job turns out to be nothing I want — instead it’s managing, dealing with the public, scheduling, timekeeping and other menial tasks. Nothing that took me years of specific study to learn, and nothing that excites me!

My hope is maybe one day I’ll actually get that special job in an area of interest in my field. I’ve resigned myself to just stay in a job I hate.

Should I stick it out, or keep on applying and moving jobs to others that aren’t my ideal either, in the hopes they turn out better? Of course, I’ll continue to apply for jobs I’d love, but chances are slim to none I’ll get them. — More Actions? Winnipeg

Dear More Actions: “Stop doing more of what doesn’t work” is a great motto. It’s time to try a radically different approach.

Research a list of real people doing the exact job you want, here and in other provinces. Then see if you can contact any of them, and ask if their jobs are exactly what they thought they’d be. (Underscore the fact you’re not going after their job!)

Then describe the kind of projects you really want to be doing. Ask for their advice on how to get the job of your dreams — but don’t contact them until COVID has eased and they’re not feeling insecure.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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