‘Baby’ brother needs counselling, not coddling

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This article was published 17/07/2021 (1855 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My brother is always borrowing money from my husband and me, and we’re sick of it. He rarely pays it back anymore. He can only hold a job in his trade for about six months before he tells off one of his bosses, and quits. He’s 35 years old now, and it’s like his maturity was frozen in high school.

The other day my husband cut him off. He told him we weren’t going to be giving him any more money and that he owes us about $5,000 — which he is expected to pay back. My brother — who’s a little strange at the best of times — blew his stack, and took a swing at my husband! Right now, we’re not talking to him, but he’s calling here all the time, leaving apology messages for me.

I don’t know what to do. I feel so hurt and confused. He’s my baby brother by eight years, and we came from an alcoholic family. I always protected him.

— Missing my Little Brother, North End

Dear Missing: He’s not your little brother at 35. He needs some real help and if he has psychological problems, a social worker could be really helpful in connecting him with a circle of contacts for counselling and ways to set up some financial security when he’s out of work.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I was the last one swimming at the beach the other night and this ragtag looking guy in cut-offs and a dirty muscle shirt came over, and sat a respectful two metres away in the sand. He started talking to me like a salesman. Right off the top he said, “Don’t be nervous. I really like you. I’m double vaccinated, for more than two weeks. I don’t have a card on me, but you can believe it’s true.”

That got my antennae up. He chatted on and on, and it was getting darker and I wanted to go, but not have him follow me. Finally, I spotted this guy who owns the cottage next door to me. I don’t know him well, but I called him over and the other guy took off really fast, and didn’t even make an excuse.

I like to swim in the evenings as the sun goes down. Will that creepy guy come back? Was I being paranoid about him?

— Nervous Sunset Lover, Lake Winnipeg

Dear Nervous: The sun sets around 9:30 p.m. this week, and it takes another hour to get really dark. There’s no need to be down on the beach alone, past bright light, and there should be other people close by in order to stay. This particular guy may come back looking for you again, and he may be harmless — but why take a chance?

Either take a friend with you to watch the sunset from the beach, or sit with other people very close by, and move right beside them if he shows up. Don’t be afraid to say: “This guy is a stranger who’s talked to me before, and makes me nervous. Can I hang out with you?” People are very accommodating and protective. Ask them to see you home, if necessary. I travelled in Europe by myself more than once, and people are glad to help, especially if you sense danger.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a single mom. My car had started smelling funny in the mornings and I found out my son has been using it to make deliveries for his friend’s restaurant at night.

The next morning, I took my keys back from his jeans pocket before he woke up, and then I woke him up to tell him he’d never use my car again. I lost it and made him go outside and clean it up, and shouted at him to buy his own junker to use for deliveries of food!

He responded by saying he was going to live at his girlfriend’s house, and I said “Fine!” Am I being too harsh?

I hear he’s giving his girlfriend some cash for rent and to use her car for the delivery job. He is my son and I love him, but right now we’re not talking. It feels terrible. Help!

— Lonely Single Mom, West End

Dear Lonely: Things have worked out well for your son, as long as he and his girlfriend get along together. He isn’t living with Mom anymore and he has a job. He’s got his girl’s car to use, and he has to pay for that privilege.

Now he has a modicum of self-respect, and that’s a good thing — for him and for you. Call him to say hello, not to tell him he can come back home and be your boy again. That ship has sailed — and you’re both better off for it!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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