Respect daughter’s wish and stay mum

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This article was published 07/08/2021 (1833 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My daughter told me a secret this week and she doesn’t want passed it on to her dad. She came out as a lesbian, and has a girlfriend. I asked her why she doesn’t bring her around the house, and she said, to my amazement, “I already do.”

I looked at her and said, “No! You don’t mean it’s your best friend who sleeps over every weekend?” and she said, “Yes, and her family can’t know. They’d throw her out. I want you to keep this secret from Dad, as it’ll freak him out. Only you and you alone can know, for now.”

This is a problem. My husband and I don’t hide things from each other ever, and I don’t want to be sitting on such a big secret. My husband is actually more liberal than I am.

I tried to explain this to her and she started crying, and said, “I never should have told you! I can’t trust you to keep my secret. Please don’t tell him!” So what should I do?

— Needing to Share, West End

Dear Needing: One of the reasons I told my own mother secrets was she wasn’t a blab-to-Dad kind of mother. You and your husband are not one entity. As a mother, you can carry a few secrets until your kids are ready for Dad to know.

You’re at a crossroads here, Momma. Either you promise your daughter to keep her secret, or you won’t be hearing any more deep secrets from her in this lifetime.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: There’s a single man who rented a cottage next to ours, and he sunbathes with an alarm timer. I can see him walk out with the little towel around his waist and then he takes it off and lies down on the extended lawn chair and bakes himself precisely 30 minutes. Then I can hear some pretty loud “ding-ding-dinging” from something. Then he rolls over and bakes the other side for half an hour, and then there’s that dinging again.

Then he stands up (he’s very tall and slim), looks around, grabs his towel, throws it over his shoulder and walks back in, naked. I can’t help but watch. My husband thinks it’s hilarious, and refers to him as “my boyfriend next door.”

Other guys come up on the weekend — no girls — and they swim and sunbathe, laugh, play music and drink cocktails on the deck. I’ve never seen any females, not one. What do you think?

— Can’t Help Noticing, Lake Country

Dear Noticing: It’s likely your neighbour knows you’re peeping during the week, and he’s giving you a little show at the end, for a laugh. Don’t complain, unless he sends you a bill!

As for his all-male group coming up, you’re fishing to see if I think they’re gay. It doesn’t matter to me and it shouldn’t matter to you, especially since you’ve already admitted to peeping! Time to loosen up a little on the criticism, madam.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I gained a lot of weight during COVID, like the weight of a new baby, and a woman I know asked me innocently if I were pregnant again.

I was so embarrassed! I cried when I got in the car and when I got home, I had a good look in the mirror.

My husband caught me red-eyed and crying, and asked me what was up. I told him my belly was up, but I’m not pregnant — and he didn’t comfort me. He said, “It isn’t healthy to be this much overweight, honey. If you want to join a weight-loss plan online, I will pay for it.”

Then I started crying, because obviously my partner thinks I’m too big as well! Well, I guess I look that way to everybody. It’s so depressing it made me go on an ice cream binge! I just feel ugly and unhealthy.

— Fat, Ugly COVID Gain, Riverview

Dear COVID Gain: Most reputable weight-loss programs work on improving self-image as well, so if you want to drop some weight, take your husband up on his offer and find a healthy regimen. He seems to be concerned about your health — not critical about your appearance in a cruel way.

Also, enlist his help as a walking or biking partner in the evenings when it cools off. It’s a lot more fun together, and there are many beautiful bike paths to discover in Winnipeg. Check out on the city bike maps at winnipeg.ca/publicworks/pedestriansCycling/maps/default.stm and get pedalling!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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