Restraint is best apology for late-night deck bash

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 10/08/2021 (1830 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I created a situation where my lake neighbours were threatening to call the police on me. We both had dock parties that night — theirs was louder than ours — but they packed their bash in at 11 p.m.

We hadn’t seen our cabin guests for a long time, so we kept going. At midnight they shouted “Pack it up!” at us from their dock, and one of my friends yelled back “Shove it!”

An hour later, they shouted out “We’re calling the cops if you don’t shut it down!” but they never did, and we kept going until 2 a.m.

We have heard from other neighbours that these people have bad-mouthed us all around the bay, and we’re getting shunned. Nobody is waving to us or coming up to our pier to say “welcome back.”

How do we reinstate ourselves in this “community.” Should we invite them all over for a party on us?

— Bad Rep, Manitoba

Dear Bad Rep: That’d be a bad idea, my friend. Partying got you into trouble and more partying is not going to get you out!

You owe a deep apology to the neighbours you disrespected and kept awake for three hours after they asked you to stop. You must find a way to do that which doesn’t involve partying!

It should be a peace offering of a gift (not liquor), a sincere note of apology, plus a thank you for not calling the authorities and a promise to shut things down at 11 p.m. from now on.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife has really started into the alcohol since the pandemic. What started as a fun way to blow off steam during a strange time has turned into a daily ritual.

She used to have a drink or two on the weekends. Then it became a bunch on the weekend, and a drink or two at the end of a weekday (for the anti-oxidants), and that had me worried.

This week she has started having a drink with lunch as well and I am starting to get really annoyed. She cares a lot less about what I think of things when she drinks. In fact, she gets really rude when I bring up my concerns about the liquor. I think she has a problem and I’m watching her slide. What can someone in my position do before it’s too late?

— We’re Drowning, Maples

Dear Drowning: It’s tricky. COVID has been her excuse until now. The virus is letting up and so are restrictions at his point. She could get out of the house and do other things, with you or on her own. But is she? Drinking so much that people notice has a tendency to keep people home where it’s private.

You say she’s grown defensive and rude when you bring up the liquor escalation. To learn the best ways to approach this, it’s time to tune into Al-Anon, the support group for friends and families of alcoholics (al-anon.org or 204-943-6051).

You can learn what works — and what makes things worse — from people with personal experience, and you need the support.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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