Dating ex-hubby double signals trouble

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 16/08/2021 (1872 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I met a man who looks just like my ex-husband and I’ve fallen for him. My family keeps asking when they will meet him, but I’m embarrassed to introduce them to a guy who looks like he could be the twin brother to my ex. I can’t help it if I have a type, but it’s a problem. I tried to convince him he’d look good in a beard, and all he could say was, “Why? Don’t you like my face?” Of course that’s not the case!

Last night I dropped an old picture album on the floor and forgot about it. My new guy picked it up and had a look. There were wedding pictures of me and my ex. It got very quiet, so I walked into the living room and he looked like he’d seen a ghost.

He said, “I’m not your replacement guy. Get yourself a shrink, lady!” and he walked out. He won’t take my calls! What can I do? I really cared about him, as a different person from my ex. I can’t help it if I like a certain look.

— Hurt and Embarrassed! Westwood

Dear Hurt and Embarrassed: How would you feel if your ex-husband picked a new woman who was a dead ringer for you? It’s just not healthy. You do need professional help over this. Picking a clone of your ex was no doubt done by accident at first, but as soon as you realized it, you should have backed off. You didn’t. Instead, you thought you could pull this off by getting him to grow a beard.

And how much of an accident was leaving the photo book out? It seems you haven’t gotten your ex out of your head and heart yet. You have to realize you can’t “right” what went wrong, using a different person. Understandably, this new guy was shocked.

Now you need to take time off dating to get some help to get yourself un-stuck, and work through the marriage split to understand the underlying problems. Then you’ll finally be free, and be able to look for a new relationship with a man who has his own look and personality.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife and I moved to an acreage about 10 minutes out of the city. She has been bringing home rescue-type animals since we moved here before the pandemic — and it’s been OK because we couldn’t go anywhere anyway.

Now we’ve arrived at a situation where my wife won’t consider taking holidays because of her collection of needy animals. Some of them are rescues, and dependent on her love and attention, and some need special medications and supervised exercise.

She also says a country house without close neighbours is an “open invitation to thieves.” Excuses, excuses! I think she doesn’t care to travel anymore, but I’m an avid fisherman and love going to Mexico. Should I go with my group of guys, who also love to fish and want to plan a trip this winter?

— Dying to Fish, outside Winnipeg

Dear Outside: If you go on a fishing trip with a group of “good” guys, you’d just be catching fish. “Bad” guys, on the other hand, chase fish in the daytime and women at night. What category do your friends fall into?

If they’re good guys and your wife trusts them, run the idea by her, and she might heave a sigh of relief. Then she no longer needs to feel responsible for ruining your travel fun.

I realize lots of couples only vacation together. If travelling apart doesn’t go over well with your mate, start looking for a helper or two at your hobby farm/menagerie now. You’d have to get them working for you ahead of time, so they’re in the groove and well known to the animals before you and your wife go on holiday. Just don’t make that holiday too long, as animals don’t understand explanations that you will be coming back to them.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My new job involves pretty women in their late teens and 20s who are servers. I’m working with the bartender. One of the servers has been coming on to me with winks and sexy one-liners.

She’s older, and toying with me like a cat with a mouse. She likes to make me blush red, right to my ears. She hints about what an older woman could teach me, like she’s sure I could never get anybody myself. I do have a girlfriend and I’m not a virgin, but I don’t say anything. What should I do to get her off my back?

— Fed Up With Teasing, Winnipeg

Dear Fed Up: Teasing you and hinting about what she could teach you in bed is sexual harassment on the job. If you don’t want to report her, here’s how you can ruin her little game.

Mention to her, towards the end of your next shift, that you’re so happy work is almost over because you’re going over to your girlfriend’s place for the night again. Then add enthusiastically, “You should meet her. She’s really great!” That’ll make her feel more like your old mom, and not like the siren in your life.

Send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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