Don’t expect kudos for body-shaming

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 27/09/2021 (1440 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I rejected a close male friend’s advances during COVID because, to be blunt, he was too fat for me. He’s tall, but about 60 pounds overweight. He has a great personality, but it’s just not happening for me on a sexual level.

He said, “It’s because of my weight, isn’t it?” I didn’t know what to say, except, “Yes, um, too bad about that.”

Well, guess what! He spent pandemic time losing weight and transforming into a hunk. I ran into him on at the beach, wearing only a muscle shirt and shorts. OMG! He had his arm draped around some babe’s shoulder, and he gave me a dirty look I’ll never forget.

I felt like saying, “You should be thanking me.” Because of my honesty, he turned his body into something he could finally be proud of!

Do you think I deserved such a nasty look? I’m really annoyed, and feel like calling him out. What the heck was he trying to say by sneering at me?

—Helped Him Out, Norwood

Dear Helped Him: Turn it around. If a guy you really liked told you he refused your advances because you were too heavy, would you thank him for hurting you after you lost weight? Not likely! Telling an overweight person they’re fat is harsh. They may already be struggling with self-image issues.

Yes, your rejection was a shock and hurt him badly enough to start dieting and working out, but he’s not about to thank you for humiliating him.

When you came upon him with the hot girlfriend under his arm, he got some grim satisfaction in your shocked expression. That was what you saw in his sneer. People don’t forget humiliations easily.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife is in her 60s and she’s having another affair. I caught her once in her late 40s, and we separated for a time. I know it helped that I had a lot of money, and her other guy had no lifestyle to offer. She missed the house, the vehicles and the holidays, and she came back.

Things went well for a long time, but I can feel she’s up to something again, although she’s not making the same mistakes. You wonder why I don’t just throw her out? I haven’t exactly been a model of faithfulness myself. But I do love her, and we have grown kids and grandkids, and I don’t want to be with anybody else in my golden years.

How do I find out who he is? I just know by the careless way she talks to me she knows she has another option.

— Suspicious Husband, Charleswood

Dear Suspicious: When couples reach a pattern of “same old, same old,” it leaves a hole big enough for a new person to sneak.

Talk to your wife about how she sees the next 10 years and what wonderful things she’d like to do with your money. Suggest a few ideas of your own, and ask for hers. If you can engage her imagination in travel or adventure plans, you may be able to re-interest her in life with wealthy old you!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I married the wrong woman. I really wanted her sister, but she was still a teenager, but such a lovable goof! When we have family birthdays together now, I always end up fascinated by her. She’s the family clown, and so much fun — and her husband just goads her on to more shenanigans. I wish I was like him, but I have no comedic talent.

I got the serious, gentle sister as my wife. Last night when we were driving home from a birthday, my wife said, “You really like my sister, don’t you?”

I said carefully, “Of course, we’re all family now.”

She said, “No, you look at her in an admiring way that I wish you’d look at me.” And then she went silent. I opened my mouth and couldn’t think of anything to say — as I’m not quick-witted enough. Please help!

— Hurt My Wife, Winnipeg

Dear Hurt My Wife: Actually, you didn’t marry the wrong sister. If you’d married the funny one you’d have been unable to keep up with her quick wit.

You enjoy her funny quips when you see her occasionally, but being her daily audience without adding to the fun (as her husband does) would have fallen flat pretty quickly. Enjoy the gentle wife you have, and be glad you’re not under pressure to be her comedy sidekick. You’re not compatible with the younger sister, so stop admiring her so obviously.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com.