Counter parents’ childishness with maturity

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This article was published 29/09/2021 (1829 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My mom and dad make fun of my boyfriend behind his back over the clothes he wears and his coloured hair. He’s not changing for them. He’s a musician in a band, and he can’t look like a boring banker. Someday his band may be famous, as they’re that good. Then who’ll get the last laugh?

So here’s the worst of my problem. He’s a wonderful, kind, loving and ambitious guy, with a steady day job, too. They love him at his work. But when he comes over to my house, my parents look at him funny, they “forget” his name, and find every way to turn their backs and ignore him. My dad is the worst!

If I had enough money, I’d move in with my guy in his apartment. He’s already said I’d be more than welcome. I’m 19 and I’ve just gotten a full-time job. What should I do?

— Feeling Like Leaving Today, Transcona

Dear Feeling Like Leaving: Point these facts out to your mother in a quiet, serious, adult voice: “When you and Dad disrespect my boyfriend, you disrespect me. You aren’t getting rid of him, but you may succeed in getting rid of me. You make me feel uncomfortable, and you hurt my feelings. Most of all, I’m embarrassed by how rude my parents are acting towards the person I care about most. Why are you acting like this?” (By the way, no crying allowed, or it weakens your speech and makes you look immature.)

Look at Mom and wait for her answer, if she has one. You can be sure your mother will tell your dad that night. They may change or they may not, but at least you’ve stated your case and stood up for yourself as an adult, and now they know what’s what.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m writing in response to Hurting in a House of Tension, who caught her husband in an affair and insists he sleep in another room. (I suggested marriage counselling and not keeping the husband in ‘jail’ for too long.— Miss L.)

This is not an excuse for her husband’s infidelity, but perhaps she should evaluate their sexual relationship prior to the affair. A “happy” man does not tend to stray elsewhere for emotional or sexual comforting (in most cases). Her current behaviour is just reinforcing his need to look elsewhere.

— G.C., Winnipeg

Dear G.C.: This problem isn’t just about sex, but also troubles preceding the drought. When people marry and they’re happy, their sexual life is usually plentiful. Sex naturally slows down late in pregnancies, and usually gears up a few months after the baby arrives. Sex can also dwindle with no babies in the house, but a lot of fatigue, overwork and sheer boredom from “same-old” sex moves.

Sometimes people — women particularly — are too overwhelmed and tired to want sex at the end of the day. Morning would be better, but too often but the kids are banging on the door — or she has to rush off to work early.

Rather than raise a fuss, a mate sometimes quietly finds a substitute.

This upset wife says she caught the husband early in his affair. Let’s hope the counselling works, as they’re at a stand-off. He’s exiled and also upset — with a woman one phone call away.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: The doctor’s wife called Left Out Now, who’s disappointed her husband won’t talk to her about his cases, sounds bored. (I suggested she bring back fun activities and stop prying for secrets.—Miss L.)

Since she’s so interested in medicine, she might pursue one of the many occupations in the medical field. They can certainly use the help! She won’t need her husband’s input about his cases if she’s doing her own thing, too.

— Just Saying, Winnipeg

Dear Just Saying: Agreed! Her interest in medicine seemed more than casual, so she might really enjoy a medical career, and having her own daily experiences. Then she and her husband can both look to sports, arts and other distractions to help them feel relaxed and rejuvenated in their off-hours together.

Send questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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