Stuck between an old rock and hard place

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 02/10/2021 (1435 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife kept her big diamond engagement ring from her first marriage and hid it. I had never seen it. I came home from a business trip a week early, thinking I’d surprise her. Well, she surprised me by having her fancy old engagement ring on her finger. Her two smaller rings from me were still on her left ring finger, looking insignificant.

What the hell was she thinking? I asked her! She said she found the ring in the back of a drawer, and wondered if she might get some money from selling it. That didn’t explain why she was wearing it while I was away. I know I don’t make as much money as he did, but I don’t abuse her like he did either! That alone should be worth something.

— Shocked and Hurt, River Heights

Dear Shocked and Hurt: Understandably, seeing that other guy’s big diamond ring on her hand hurt you! The question is: What did wearing it mean? It could be that she just likes big fancy diamonds, or it could mean she’s thinking of that guy again. Since he was abusive, she may just be thinking how she could wring some money out of it.

It’s really doubtful she was wearing it because she was feeling sentimental about that jerk!

You need to ask her these questions before you condemn her. If she simply likes big jewels, you’ll have to decide what you want to do about that, if anything. But, don’t let her suggest re-setting that diamond! Cashing it in and buying a different ring with the money would also lack class. Down the road, when things cool right off, you might want to buy her a bigger ring — not a replacement diamond, but a special jewel like a ruby or sapphire.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Three men have figured prominently in my life — my father, my first love who claimed my virginity at 18 and the man in his late 20s I married a few years later.

My first love ran from town, just weeks after we found out I wasn’t pregnant, because we were too young for a family. Chances are we’d have made a baby sooner rather than later! I’m still married to the older man who is good to me — reminds me of my gentleman father. I don’t love him as passionately as my high school boyfriend, and I never wanted kids with him. That’s still very disappointing to him.

I ran into my high school love outside a Winnipeg store the other day! Even masked, we recognized each other. He got closer and closer and then he held out his arms, and I walked right into them, and I cried. We couldn’t kiss very well because we had our masks in the way. Probably that was a good thing — because I still wanted him so much! I’ve missed him more in recent years. When I was first married, I kind of put him behind me, as he had disappeared like a ghost.

Now he’s back here in the city. He’s older now, but still single, and looked at me with brown eyes I could get lost in. He’d heard I’d married within two years of his leaving me.

He says he still loves me! I know deep down I’d want to have his children! What can be done? I’m still in love with him.

— Sleepless Wreck, Winnipeg

 

Dear Sleepless Wreck: Your husband deserves the truth, as hard as it may be. He deserves the chance to be with someone who loves him and wants to have children with him.

You are going to have to tell him the whole truth, to free yourself and him and be with the guy you really love — and who still loves you.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This is in reply to Guilty Jerk and Hating It, the husband who has an overweight wife he’s no longer attracted to. (She’s also the mother of his young kids.)

As a young mom myself, I’ve spoken with friends and know many of us engage in emotional eating, because we are exhausted and overwhelmed. (I suggested not confessing his overweight turnoff. Instead, he should join with her and go the exercise route — two bicycles, two gym memberships and/or a dog who loves walking. —Miss L.)

Guilty Jerk should consider exhaustion might be the case for his wife. If so, perhaps if he took on more responsibilities around the house (child care, cleaning, cooking, laundry) his wife would have a better chance at overcoming her unhealthy coping habit of over-eating.

— Interested Reader, Manitoba

Dear Interested: Some husbands with little kids and wives who don’t have outside-the-home paying jobs are working to exhaustion to pay for everything. They can only be expected to do a few hours more after they get home, to help with meals and child care.

It’s a different story on days off! Husbands and fathers have a chance to make it up to their wives and kids by pitching in and helping with the housework, playing with kids and showing love and affection to their mates.

Foolish guys who wave goodbye to their young families to go play sports and hang out with their buddies most of the weekend are enough to make an over-worked wife eat a whole pan of brownies!

P.S.: A few dollars spent to hire some cleaning help or babysitting might alleviate some of the pressure his wife feels. It’s a start!

 

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.