Foster brotherly peace for family’s sake

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 03/10/2021 (1779 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My family has missed out on years of get-togethers because of “the big feud” which broke my brothers apart in high school! One year apart in age, they fell in love with the same girl who was in Grade 12. She really played it — she strung them both along and was “intimate” with both of them.

They were both in love with her. Then they found out about each other, and fought over her like two young stallions, and smashed up each other’s faces. The whole town soon knew.

My brothers stopped talking to each other. The silence in our house was awful. I was their only sibling — their younger sister. It broke my heart and my parents’ too! Then a few weeks into July, after her Grade 12 was over, she left our town for Winnipeg and never looked back. Both my brothers wandered around like they were in shock.

Four and five years later, they married girls from two other towns — much nicer people than she was. Yet, many years later, my brothers still don’t talk to each other.

The big news this fall is the woman who caused the feud has moved back to our home town where I still live. I’ve seen her. She looks like a lost and broken person — no longer a beauty, very quiet, much older, seems depressed and smells like liquor.

It’s time for forgiveness over this “girl.” The woman she is now is no threat to anybody. How can I broker a peace for everybody’s sake this year, particularly my mother’s? She’s not well and I’d like us to have a last few Christmases and family times together.

— Sister Wanting Peace, rural Manitoba

Dear Wanting Peace: It wasn’t so much the beauty and sexuality of the young woman that caused this long “break up” of your two brothers. It was the betrayal of trust between them. Did either of them know she was “seeing” the other when it was happening? They may have wondered in the year or so following if they would still “love” her if she ever came back, and if the fight would be on again.

Now, they’re both married to women presumably they love. Plus, their old love has come back to her home town, looking sad, possibly ill and messed-up with drinking. You can bet someone has passed on the gossip to your brothers.

You can’t control this situation, because this was not your war and you don’t understand all the pain the boys suffered. But, you can mention to your brothers your mother’s failing health, her desire for peace between them now, and her wish for some whole-family gatherings.

Perhaps their wives would like to see this healing between the brothers, and could help loosen things up. Maybe the brothers need an excuse to patch this up because they just don’t know how to make the first move.

Mom’s pressuring for peace may be keeping them away from seeing her as much. At the least, you might be able to convince Mama to let go of that, so your brothers will come more often.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I really want to look and feel different, but I don’t want to go where people will see me and comment on my weight. I’m sedentary, which could kill me, and “morbidly obese.” I want to live a normal life and find a woman to love, rather than being all alone with my computer.

I make plenty of money for a single guy working from home 10-12 hours a day. I don’t spend much of it, because I don’t go out where people will stare. I need advice. I’m not going to a gym with other people gawking!

— Desperate, West End

Dear Desperate: You need a private trainer, where no one else sees you starting to work out. You’ll also need a full physical exam, a safe walking program and a healthy diet plan. Ask your physician to refer you to a dietician, to custom-make a plan for your needs. Good luck!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography