A little Halloween spirit could go a long way

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 01/10/2021 (1827 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My new bride is so crazy about Halloween, she’s already started hauling out the Halloween decorations — and God knows she has enough of them from her famous parties.

Since I was 16 with a fake ID I’ve always celebrated Halloween standing at the bar in my same old cowboy costume drinking beers. That’s it. My parents never decorated or made me costumes as a child.

When I complained about — OK, ridiculed — the size of my wife’s Halloween plans for our house, I saw a tear running down her cheek. She said, “You never acted this way before. You knew I love Halloween before we got married!” She’s right. I faked interest in Halloween because I was falling in love with her.

But now I thought we’d act like grown-ups as a married couple. I argued that we have a home together, not an old apartment like she had.

She went dangerously quiet and said, “So, the most negative person wins in this marriage? That’s how you want to influence our new life together — being the drag on it? I can’t live with that!” She left the boxes all over the living room and went out in her truck, and stayed at her friend’s until late.

The boxes are sitting still there unpacked, and she’s not saying anything. What should I do? I guess I partly married her because my life was dull, and now look what I’ve done! I guess I’m an idiot.

She accused me of trying to recreate my own parents’ boring lifestyle — and I guess I did it unconsciously. Help! I don’t know what to do.

— Clued Out Hallo-wiener, Fort Rouge

Dear Clued Out: Your first clue to fixing this? The Halloween decoration boxes were left sitting there unpacked. It’s a test. Will you come up to her level of fun and celebration, or not? Since you love her madly, and actually realize you want her level of fun in your marriage, open those boxes and start decorating while she’s out. Yep, all by your lonesome!

Let her come home to a partially-decorated house interior — a colourful mess is fine. Make sure you have at least one string of orange lights lit up to welcome her, plus drinks and treats on the table so you can finish decorating together — and start a new style of celebrating.

Too many newlyweds re-create their parents’ marriage without thinking about their own style of living, one that should celebrate their brand new dynamic.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just found out a lifelong friend of mine has been secretly going to anti-COVID demonstrations and has been very vocal in these groups. Worse, she’s lied to me about being double-vaccinated and following health protocols. She doesn’t wear a mask unless she’s forced.

I have a very compromised immune system, and she knows this from way back. Why would she put me in harm’s way? I’m so upset. It’s one thing to have her beliefs, but it’s totally another thing to present to others as if you’ve been vaccinated. I phoned her as soon as I found out.

At first, she tried to lie her way out of it. When she could hear I wasn’t having any of her nonsense, she started to scream at me. She called me “brainwashed” and “a hypochondriac” for starters. She also said I was going to become very ill from the vaccine and all the sanitizer I was using.

She laughed at me, and it wasn’t a nice sound. A loud slam of the phone was how she ended our lifelong friendship. So, why am I feeling the loss of our friendship, when she obviously didn’t care?

— Lost Something, Westwood

Dear Lost Something: When friends fall out over a betrayal of any kind, they often mourn what used to be. But the relationship is probably past its best-before date. Instead of going over and over this in your mind, it’s time to let it go. There are bends in the road of everyone’s life, and not all friends make the turns with you. Instead of counting this as a loss, open yourself to making a new like-minded friend or two this fall.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography