Don’t let sister’s jealousy cause family rift

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This article was published 16/11/2021 (1757 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m in university. I took my city boyfriend out to the country to meet my family, and they really liked him. My younger sister, who’s 17 and acts like she’s hot, liked him way too much.

She knows I’m not a fan of horse-riding, so after lunch she invited him to see the horses, and got him saddled up. They were away too long.

She has always been jealous of me. When they came back a whole hour later, he had straw on his back, and she had some sticking out of her hair. My mother said, “Oh my…” like she always does when she senses trouble.

I looked my boyfriend up and down, and then right at my sister’s face and said, “So what have you two been doing all this time? No, don’t bother telling me. It’s obvious!”

He blushed and she looked at me — with defiance. I said to my mother, “We’re not staying for dinner! If you want to know the reason, speak to your other daughter.”

We got in the car, and he said quickly, “Nothing happened.”

I said, “You mean you didn’t actually have sex, but you were rolling around in the grass?” He gulped something that sounded like “yeah” and that was it.

I told him we were done and that he was lucky I didn’t leave him out here on the road. Now what? I don’t want to go home anymore except to kick my sister’s butt over the U.S. border.

What does this mean for seeing my parents and for Christmas? Everything is ruined for me in the family. I used to love my younger sister and we did everything together on the farm. I taught her everything I could, but she’s a jealous little tramp. What’s next? She’s spoiled the family for me.

— Sick to My Stomach, University of Manitoba

Dear Sick: You can bet your sister will have gotten into deep trouble already with your folks. Her disloyalty to you requires a big apology — possibly in writing — and a promise never to do anything like that again. Of course, you won’t trust her, but there still needs to be that apology before any kind of healing can start.

The jealousy issue really needs to be dealt with, and possibly your parents can help with that. Why did she want to hurt you and take what she knew was yours? Has she possibly felt that you, as the oldest, were the preferred child?

You probably won’t want to bring a guy home again for quite a while, and certainly not one you can’t trust to take up an invitation from your sister. What a jerk he was!

Just don’t let little sister split you off from your parents and the farm. Go out there at Christmas time, without any guy to complicate things. Have a visit with your parents, relatives and friends in the area and, if your sister isn’t willing to apologize personally and try to make it up to you, don’t go out of your way to chat with her, beyond usual small talk.

Then you’ve at least reclaimed your parents, your home territory and your dignity.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: We used to have a dog — much loved in the whole family. That old dog died two years ago. I asked my wife repeatedly about getting another one, and she said: “No, I’m not over the pain of losing the last one, and it’d tie us down anyway.” I reminded her we never go anywhere to speak of these days.

One night last week, after talking with my brother about it, I started looking. Two days later, I brought home a new puppy of the same kind we had before. My wife teared up and reached out for it and she has taken over all the care since. That little pup is always on her lap. I can’t even get a turn with it. She won’t give her over to me! What do you suggest?

— It’s My Turn, St. James

Dear My Turn: You won! So relax, and enjoy what’s actually going on here. Your wife loves the little pup, and doesn’t want to lose it, like she did the older one, so she’s being fiercely possessive.

She will relax her hold on the puppy soon, and you will get lot of turns to hold it and take it out for walks. Meantime, bring home doggie toys, treats, a bed and all the other things to make the experience more fun for the three of you. Good luck with the new baby!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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