Why not aid loving relative in here and now?

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This article was published 19/11/2021 (1777 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Your advice to Torn Old Guy, the sensitive person who wants to gift money to his only thankful young relative and some charities, could be improved. (I suggested sprinkling a little money to the nieces and nephews, but giving much more to the one thankful relative in his will.—Miss L.)

I suggest giving that one person some money now, and possibly making it an annual act, to be kept secret from the others. This older single person has already given too much money to the ungrateful relatives, so why give them more?

— R.H., Wolseley

Dear R.H.: Good point! It’s a wise idea to do the gifting now, when the appreciative person is younger, and may really need the money for advanced schooling, a more comfortable place to live, better food or setting up a little business. Lots of young people have start-up side gigs now that need a little funding to get them going. Since this is a more sensitive person than the rest of the young relatives, they will understand when he makes it clear the gift is to be kept private.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I think you missed an opportunity with your response to Torn Old Guy, who was disheartened by the ingratitude of his nieces and nephews. My husband and I are in a similar situation — no kids and a sizable estate.

I don’t need suggestions as to where to leave my money. I’m just frustrated with the ingratitude shown by our nieces and nephews. Over the years we’ve continued to give generous gifts for birthdays and Christmas, without any thanks. I suppose I’ve just become accustomed to what always feels like rude behaviour.

This past year, COVID forced us to miss the weddings of two nephews, so we sent very generous monetary gifts. Both cheques were cashed, without any word of thanks, or even acknowledgement they were received.

Is this my problem? Has the world changed so much that expressions of gratitude have gone the way of the dodo?

— Perplexed Aunt, Manitoba

Dear Perplexed Aunt: Those grown-up kids have gotten enough of your largesse, Auntie. There are so many charities desperate for help in this COVID era. Maybe it’s time you directed more money to places where you will do good, and then feel warm and fuzzy inside.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’ve fallen madly in lust with my neighbour across the back lane. We go to work at exactly the same time every morning. We used to just wave quickly and say hi, but this fall we talked and flirted for about five minutes daily, exchanging a little neighbourhood news and saying, “Have a great day!”

He is so hot — and I must say I’m pretty good-looking, too. I started dressing up to see him every day, but he has never made a move to take it further. I had no idea he had a woman in his life until the snow fell — he never mentioned anyone.

I saw him helping her squeeze her little car into the garage beside his, and then she stepped out and kissed him full on the lips. It was no little peck. My poor heart tightened up.

I’m so disappointed and mad at myself for investing my time and hoping. He never wore a ring. I noticed that much. What did I do wrong?

— Kicking Myself Now, West End

Dear Kicking: You neglected to ask if he was single — an unfortunate, but common mistake. Before you make a big investment in a crush, you need to ask that awkward question, perhaps this way: “I’m single. What’s your situation?”

Look, he may have been giving a casual girlfriend shelter for her car for the night, or she may be his wife. You should ask, even now, in case he’s just casually dating, and was being a Good Samaritan with her car.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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