Good riddance to retrograde ‘sweet deal’

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This article was published 19/11/2021 (1752 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I wanted this hard-to-get man so much for two whole years! But there’s been no real commitment, and no expression of the word “love” in the year we’ve been together. I gave up on that a while ago, thinking maybe I didn’t need the word spoken.

Then this week, he suddenly seemed attentive and all excited about me again. He finally spilled the beans. He wants me to quit my job and come live with him in a town up north, where he’ll be making big money. I said, “But I have a job in the city I really like. What would I do up there?”

He said, “You’d be playing music, cooking, cleaning, baking, doing our laundry, and we’d have each other for company at night. Sweet deal!” l asked how much he’d be paying me. He looked stunned. I said, “If I’m the housekeeper, that would be my only job. I’ll need a paycheque. I need my own money.”

He got all insulted and said I wouldn’t have to pay rent or bills, so I’d be saving money!

Then he narrowed his eyes and said: “Maybe you’re the kind of woman who just doesn’t like the idea of just looking after her man.” I just shrugged.

That was it. I haven’t heard from him in a week. I think he’s gone from my life. What do you think I should do?

— Got No One Else, St. Vital

Dear Got No One Else: It’s good he has moved off, no doubt looking for another unpaid housekeeper and sexual companion. He wasn’t making the offer to you out of love; it wasn’t a job offer either. You’d soon have lost your feeling of independence — and ability to leave easily. You’d be away from all your family and friends, broke and isolated.

Here’s what you must face: you’ll never find a real love relationship unless you become truly unattached and free. Of course, it’s more difficult to meet people during COVID times, but there will be a lot of changes when this pandemic is truly under control, and the romance merry-go-round starts up again.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My father’s divorced from my mother and he’s had a few new girlfriends since they split. The new one is so sweet to me, and she gives me gifts and stuff. My mother is jealous. She says Dad’s new girlfriend has “ulterior motives.” I know what that means. But what could those motives be exactly?

— Need to Know ASAP, Selkirk

Dear Need to Know: Maybe your dad’s new lady is trying to win over his daughter, so he’ll think more of her and she’ll totally win him over. Good dads don’t want stepmothers who are not nice to their children, and she knows that.

You’d be smart to just be pleasant to the women your dad introduces you to, but wary of anyone who lays on the gifts and invitations to go do things together — just the two of you. The quickest way to stop that manipulation is to say: “Sorry, I couldn’t do that with you without my mom’s approval.”

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My new neighbour has the sweetest little dog. I had no idea she wasn’t fixed and that his intention was to breed her to a male of a matching breed. My little dog just loves her, but he’s a mutt.

When we pass by on a walk and she’s outside, he strains to get closer to her. My neighbour noticed their affinity this fall, and let me know he didn’t want any accidental breeding going on and that I’d better tie my dog up in the back. I thought that was pretty nervy of him.

I feel sorry for my little guy as he isn’t welcome to play with the little female next door, and he actually whimpers to go over that fence. I was thinking of getting a puppy brother for him to play with, as my neighbour and I both live on the edge of the city with lots of land out back. Should I get a second male dog, or is that just inviting trouble?

— It’s Complicated, Charleswood

Dear Complicated: Dogs like to run in a pack, even if it’s just two of them. Getting a second male pup who wants to get over that fence to the unfixed female is going to rile your neighbour even more. Getting a female puppy is an interesting idea, but has its own complications, including whether you want to have some puppies or not. You could also consider having your canines fixed. Contact your vet — who’s heard all these problems before — and is an expert in puppy politics.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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