Get studious to spark more satisfying sex life

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This article was published 17/11/2021 (1733 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My young wife (she was a virgin bride; I’d had experience) gets the giggles when we have sex. It’s a nervous reaction, and at first I thought it was cute innocence. Now I don’t.

I want her to stop making stupid jokes when we’re making out, but she says she can’t. I’d like to have some real sex for a change. She keeps comparing us to different animals mating, like that’s hilarious. Yes, we are animals — I admit that — but we’re not rutting. We’re having sex, but we’re not just mindlessly doing it to propagate the species.

When I try to explain this to her, she gets hurt and retreats. Last night she said, “So what do you want me to do? I don’t know how to do sex right, obviously!” Now I feel awkward teaching her because she’s resentful. Please help!

— Discouraged “Teacher,” Osborne Village

Dear Discouraged: Don’t give up. Books on the different arts of making love are the answer for both of you. Because you feel weird trying to tell her what to do, let her discover the secret to lovemaking from the experts, not you. That will reduce the awkwardness factor. You can also learn a lot, along with her.

McNally Robinson Booksellers devote a couple of shelves in the health section to the subject. Some good suggestions are Passion and Presence: A Couple’s Guide to Awakened Intimacy and Mindful Sex by Maci Daye, the bestseller Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life by Emily Nagoski, plus Press Here! Kama Sutra for Beginners: A Couples Guide to Sexual Fulfilment by Michelle Pauli, complete with helpful, line-drawn illustrations.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I was more than choked when I came home a day early from a “time out” at the lake, to think about my relationship. I came home having decided to make a bigger effort, show this complicated man my love, and keep him! When I got in the door to my apartment, I discovered my roommate was home — getting busy with somebody in her bedroom. Good for her!

On second look, I saw a backpack I recognized. It belonged to my boyfriend — the one I went away to think about.

I just went nuts, yelling and screaming at the top of my lungs, and kicking at the locked bedroom door. Somebody called the caretaker who lives in the block. She came up with a phone in her hand, threatening to call the police. My now-ex boyfriend pulled on his jeans and hightailed it out of the there, half-dressed, with his keys and backpack.

I screamed at my roommate to get the (blank) out, before I clawed her eyes out! I started throwing her stuff over the balcony, one thing after another. She literally ran away down the street.

Now I’m left holding the bag, with her half of the rent coming up (not to mention university course work to deal with). I’m not moving home again to hear my mother say: “I told you it wouldn’t work!” I have enough for next month’s rent and expenses in savings, but believe me, that’s it. Got any ideas?

— Desperate, but Not Moving Home, University of Manitoba area

Dear Desperate: You have a couple of weeks, so contact campus housing, and talk about the challenge you’re facing. Lots of college-age students get fed up with each other before Christmas, especially if they had always lived at home with their families who loved them and put up with them. You can get in on the inevitable “apartment mates shuffle” of late fall — if you act quickly!

Some of the best roomies I ever had were not friends of mine to begin with. I went to university in Winnipeg and Ottawa for five years altogether, and worked many jobs to earn money. I had at least a dozen roommates in all, and learned a lot from the crazy experiences. My motto in those college days became: “Be friendly and fair; don’t get in each other’s hair.”

Though your next apartment mate doesn’t have to be a big buddy, she does have to come with a job of some kind that can provide half the rent and half the expenses. Any apartment mate needs a good reference from somebody you know and trust. Their own word isn’t enough!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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