You’re all but solo now, so make a change

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 11/12/2021 (1767 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m madly in lust with the wrong person. My husband feels like nothing more than a roommate to me. I don’t miss his sexual neglect because my attention has been drawn elsewhere. I’ve met a man through my work who actually thrills me to the core.

I make excuses to call him for advice at his work. He just laughs at me, because I’m actually a competitor in sales. This guy is divorced, with children he sees on weekends. I have no kids.

It’s to the point I feel disgusted when my husband looks at me with a gleam in his eye. Believe me, there’s no desire left on my side. He’s not been kind to me, and probably gets his sex elsewhere. I don’t know why I stay. I’m not getting any younger!

So why don’t I leave? What If I break up with my husband and this man I have a thing for doesn’t want me? Like Celine Dion says, I don’t want to be “all by myself!”

— Longing for Real Love, St. Boniface

Dear Longing: You’re already “all by yourself” in this cold marriage. You’d be much less lonely if you set yourself free. You could have friends and relatives over for meals and visits. More importantly, you’d have the chance of being with somebody else. Maybe this thrilling salesman would be interested if you were free of the husband.

As it stands now, you’re keeping yourself “in jail.” A good divorce lawyer could show you the best and smartest route to freedom so you can find someone you really love and admire — and someone feels the same about you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: A friend came over to my heated home garage where I fix my personal vehicles wearing no mask. He didn’t reveal he’d had no vaccinations until he was going out the door. I was shocked, but being a polite Canadian, I didn’t kick his butt. I should have! Now I’m worrying about going for a test. What should I do about this guy? He’s the type of nervy guy to drop in again.

— Real Upset, North End

Dear Upset: First, go for a COVID test. Results come back very quickly these days, often the next day, so you know what’s what and can act on it, if need be.

Then it’s time to get rid of your overly-polite Canadian attitude so you can better protect yourself and others close to you. Start by calling up this “friend” and telling him how you felt tricked and compromised by what he withheld while visiting you inside your little garage — up to the very last minute. Also, tell him he can’t come back until he’s fully immunized and has proof. Let him know he needs to wear a mask with people at all times and be open about his not being unvaccinated status from the get-go.

You’ll feel better if you always answer the door wearing a good-quality mask, kept by the door. Ask people outright if they are vaccinated. Voluntarily show them your card, also kept near the door. Then smile and say, “OK, let me see yours, too.” Why not trust their word? You now know for sure some people are quite alright with keeping their unvaccinated state a secret, saying it’s their right to privacy. That’s a dangerous attitude, and shows zero consideration for other people.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’ve been going to a new gym close to my office. What I overheard today was extremely upsetting. A trainer was talking to another staff member about a client they’d just finished with, saying, “She hasn’t lost any weight, and has even gained some. But, if she can’t put down her fork, then I don’t mind taking her money!” The other staffer was laughing and agreeing with her.

Well, I’m overweight and I suddenly feel really uncomfortable about going back there, knowing the trainer makes rude comments and laughs with other staff behind peoples’ backs. Should I bring what I heard to the attention of the owner? I’m not good at confrontations, so would an anonymous letter be OK?

— Upset and Disappointed, Winnipeg

Dear Disappointed: Since you’re not likely going back to that gym unless this trainer is gone, write a letter of complaint to the owner. Request the removal of this trainer or your money back — and you need to sign it. (Anonymous letters don’t have much credibility.) Your written words and the demand for a refund will get serious attention, and the letter can be quoted to this trainer, who will hopefully be replaced.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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