Time for honesty, but don’t destroy Valentine’s Day

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 09/02/2022 (1368 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Valentine’s Day is coming up and I know my girlfriend wants to get engaged. I’ve been living with her throughout the pandemic, which I thought would only last a few months. We’d just started dating and the heat between us was incredible. We needed to be together and alone a lot, and we wanted to stay safe from the virus.

Unfortunately, that attraction has worn out for me, as her real personality is beginning to show. Bottom line is I don’t want to marry her, and I’m not buying her a diamond ring for Valentine’s Day.

I’ve avoided talks to work it out with her because I don’t want to break up until the danger of COVID has passed. If she doesn’t get the ring, she’s going to be very disappointed. What should I get her instead?

— Secretly Backing Off, Osborne Village

Dear Secretly: It is time for honesty, but it would be unnecessarily hurtful to dive into this in the lead-up to Valentine’s Day. Get by that day with some pretty jewelry, but not involving diamonds. She will be disappointed, but not devastated.

Then let it go for a week or two, but it really is time for truth as you know for sure you’re not in love. Keeping that a secret and staying with her for sex until the end of the pandemic would be a nasty move on your part.

Let’s hope you’re ready financially. This lady may decide to move out very quickly to live with friends or her folks, and you’ll need money ready for the full rent, utilities and groceries. She’s not likely to offer you help.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: A neighbour of mine — one of the few friends I see in the pandemic — has seriously disappointed me.

She’s always admiring things I have in my home, and I’m a generous person. Over recent years I’ve gifted her many items, including my designer clothing. My husband tells me the true meaning of “gifting” is that I no longer have any say in what happens to the gift, but how’s this for gall? I was going through an online clothes-selling site, just for fun. What a shock to see some of the most recognizable designer clothing items I gave her up for sale.

I could understand if she was struggling and needed money, but she is far from struggling. Do you think I should mention seeing these gift items up for sale, or let it go? I feel like telling her off, but I need friends during COVID.

— Generosity Has Limits, Bridgwater

Dear Generosity: This woman could have tried the clothes on at your place, and left the ones that didn’t fit. Or, she could have taken them home, and called to see what you wanted her to do with the ones that didn’t suit.

Instead, she put them on sale online, to profit by them herself. You know you can’t continue to be pals with this between you, pandemic or not. So, call her to find out what she has to say for herself.

It all boils down to determining the degree of sneakiness you can put up with, but who wants a friend you already know will do things behind your back?

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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