Annual jaunts won’t help you truly move on

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 15/02/2022 (1363 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband passed away in February four years ago, and I always have a tough week around Valentine’s Day. I tell myself I’m being silly, but life is still pretty bleak around his death. At first I travelled to Mexico with a friend. The last two years I didn’t even feel comfortable doing that, because of the pandemic. So, where does that leave me?

I retired early with a really good pension — to travel with my husband. So much for my dream! Tell me what I can do.

— Nowhere to Go, East Kildonan

Dear Nowhere: Actually, it’s a good thing you can’t go anywhere for yet another “forgetting” trip — a yearly bandage for expected pain. You may have noticed, once a big bandage comes off, the wound tends not to look or feel so bad. The February trip has become a “bandage” for you — a reminder you’re still in ritual mourning.

To change this situation, you need to travel more often and at times other than February, with friends or relatives. Perhaps start in mid-March, and then make smaller excursions in May and June. Start looking now for a cabin rental In July or August.

Look at this pattern as a newfound celebration of your own life, and one that you’ll be share with living people you care about. When people see you standing up, smiling and enjoying life again, they will want to be with you for the fun.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: So many people are sad because they don’t have “Mr. or Miss Right” around Valentine’s Day. I secretly celebrate something I call “Thank God They’re Gone Day.” Every lover I parted with, whether it was his decision or mine, needed to be gone. I didn’t realize it at the time, but later on it became clear. They all had to go to make way for my second husband, who is everything I wanted, and more.

When I think of the time I wasted regretting seeing the back of some fool who disappointed or hurt me, I look at my wonderful second husband and I am so glad those breakups happened. My forever husband wouldn’t have looked at me twice if I was still hanging in there with some waste-of-time guy. Tell the ladies out there to make quicker discards!

— Seeing Everything Clearly Now, Portage la Prairie

Dear Seeing Clearly: Finding somebody new was fairly easy when people were younger, yet many young people still held on too long with unsatisfactory boyfriends or girlfriends. They were thinking things might get better between them, or they were scared stiff of being alone.

It’s smart to take a chance on being alone for a time to do some growing and self-improvement. Mr. or Miss Right are likely to feel more attracted to a fun person who has it together and doesn’t need to cling.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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