Intimate performance the perfect valentine

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 13/02/2022 (1631 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I wrote a love song for my girlfriend for Valentine’s Day on my guitar, but I don’t know how to present it so it doesn’t feel like a cheap way to get out of buying a gift. I really love this girl and want to sing her the song with her name in it.

— Teenage Musician, North End

Dear Musician: What a great gift! Now you need great presentation: Write the lyrics on a Valentine’s card (purchased or home-made) and present that first with the guitar by your side. Kiss her, and then sit down and play your song. No doubt, she’ll want to hear it again, so record it after a second live playing and give her a version. It will be a Valentine’s gift she will never forget.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I bought a whole box of Valentine’s cards to drop off — this has been such a lonely COVID year. But I hesitated signing them when I wondered if recipients would feel guilty for not giving me one. I’m talking about close relatives and a few dear friends. I’d be dropping them off signed, “The Valentine’s Elf” and my name.

— Too Much? Fort Rouge

Dear Too Much?: Most people won’t feel guilty because you haven’t been in the habit of exchanging Valentine’s cards other years. To explain this year’s special card, write on the bottom: “Just thought everybody needed a little extra love this year!”

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m afraid avoidance is not likely to stop the parents using their adult child as a sounding board for their breakup. (I suggested writer Grown Son in the Middle say “Gotta go!” and make a quick excuse to get off the phone when the complaining starts. —Miss L.)

A more helpful approach might be for the son to ask the parent what they’re hoping will happen when they talk negatively about the other parent. If they don’t respond, ask: “I’d really like to know what your goal is.” It will make the parents think about their behaviour.

Once the parent comes up with a goal (or not), the child can let them know what is actually being achieved — separation from their child. Then that behaviour is more likely to stop. Telling a parent their actions are harming their parent-child relationship is often powerful and effective.

— One Who Knows, Winnipeg

Dear One: This is a helpful suggestion, but some parents will railroad right over this questioning technique because they want the satisfaction of laying blame. If they absolutely won’t answer, then saying “Gotta go!” is a good followup technique. Children — even adult kids — don’t need their ears filled with poison from vindictive parents.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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