Bit of distance could help divorce sink in

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 18/02/2022 (1360 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Why can’t my ex-wife leave me alone? She said she wanted the breakup, and I was so relieved. But for some reason, my jealous ex-wife — who didn’t care a fig about me and my imperfect body — has started chasing me now.

We are finally divorced, and I have a wonderful new “friend” — a man I’ve known for years. I’m definitely bisexual, although I rejected that idea for years.

I now realize her biggest attraction to me was my money. She could have anything she wanted, and she did!

The real deal-breaker? A secret she kept a long time after we married. She never wanted to have children. “Too much work!” she said. “And I love my career.”

That broke my heart, because I do love children. I come from a big family and would love to have one of my own someday.

My new male friend/partner loves me for who I am as a person. In fact, I feel valued and am completely happy for the first time in my adult life. He loves children, too. I recently bought a family-size house, and moved in.

So, how do I get my jealous ex-wife off my back? She phones every single day and I have caught her driving by my new house three times this week.

— Never Going Back, south Winnipeg

Dear Never Going Back: Some people with entitlement issues think the word divorce doesn’t apply to them, even when they have a hard copy in their hands.

Taking your ex-wife’s unwanted daily calls doesn’t help make the split-up seem real to her. Consider blocking her for now. Since you have no children together, you don’t need regular conversations over child-care arrangements. A lawyer can relay any necessary legal information.

If you do that, and your ex-wife starts dropping by your place, ringing your doorbell or even trolling your street doing daily “drive-bys” — it’s time for action. Warn her once through your lawyer that you’re ready to lay charges if she continues, and follow through.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I think your advice to Desperately, was partly on the mark. (I suggested the anxious wife help her unemployed husband by actively joining him in his job search. —Miss L.)

However, having a job-finding buddy should not be his wife’s responsibility and could potentially create more pressure and conflict between them. This is better left to the professionals.

Two such non-profit organizations are the Osborne Village Resource Centre (ovrc.ca) and the Winnipeg Transition Centre (winnipegtransitioncentre.com). Both offer resumé-writing services, interview coaching and job counselling services. Their services are free to those seeking employment. Both organizations are well-established within the Winnipeg business community.

— A Former Recruiter, Winnipeg

Dear Former Recruiter: Thank you for writing with these suggestions. So far all the wife has done is poke and prod her husband to do some searching. If she joins him in his job hunt, she’ll see how difficult job-hunting is in a pandemic, and hopefully be less critical. Also, since the job search is new to her, she may bring new energy to it and turn up a good gig for her guy.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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