Be clear upfront about exclusive status

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 02/03/2022 (1616 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I thought I had a new girlfriend, but she made a careless comment comparing me (favourably) with another “friend” she’s been seeing. When I asked her who I was to her, she said, “a very good friend.” We have been having sex every night we see each other! How does this make us just friends?

I feel hurt and betrayed. I asked her angrily how many “friends” she had, and she told me to “go home and grow up!” What’s immature about thinking making love is about being special and exclusive?

— Unhappy and Confused, Norwood

Dear Unhappy and Confused: Nothing’s wrong with feeling the way you do. The mistake you won’t make again is taking for granted you’re the one-and-only if a girl you’re dating has sex with you. To put it nicely, you could say to a new girlfriend who clearly wants to be intimate: “I’m interested, but what does this mean to us? Are we exclusive?” If she says anything less than a solid “Yes, it does,” then you have your answer.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m writing in response to “Nowhere to Go,” the widowed senior lady, who’ll be travelling on her own. She might consider Friendship Force International. Founded by Jimmy Carter in 1977, it provides opportunities to explore new countries and cultures from the inside by bringing people together at a personal level.

There are clubs all over the world including three here in Manitoba. Single people are more than welcome. Most of the participants are mature people. Some are still working, but many are retired.

Although travel has been halted by the pandemic for the past couple of years, plans are being made to resume activities.The Manitoba club, for example, is expecting a group from Japan to visit in August 2022. For information on the groups, check out friendshipforcemanitoba.org.

I hope this is helpful to this writer and anyone else who might be feeling the need to be part of a travel group to go out and explore the world.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’ve been overeating because of feeling imprisoned in the house since COVID struck. I go out rarely and my friendships have shrivelled. When I phone a friend and say, “What’s new?” we each say, “Nothing!” Then we laugh nervously and drum up something mundane to say, and say a quick goodbye.

We’ve become boring people, to ourselves and others. So, for something to do, I cook enough for two or three days and eat it all over the course of the evening. I’m putting on weight. I guess I’m depressed, but I don’t want to take pills.

— Nothing Much to Offer, St. Vital

Dear Nothing Much: Spring is almost here, so take heart! By April — just over four weeks away now — daily temperatures can start getting up to highs of 10 C. Manitoba springs are short, but they are followed by glorious summers.

Before you get back into the world, you need to start building yourself up again. If you need help with depression, talk to your doctor about what all you can do, including a referral to a psychologist to help you out of the COVID blues.

On your own, or with an old friend you haven’t been able to see, make a list of the things you used to do regularly and will do again. Then start reconnecting with old friends and groups, and instead of complaining to each other, make plans with each other to get back into your old life, when it’s safe.

Many of us need to park our dowdy COVID uniforms of sweatpants and T-shirts. Since you’ve gained weight, you’ll need a few outfits to go out. New clothes make people feel more confident. If you’re anxious about shopping, go at unpopular hours or order online, and then enjoy the look of a new you.

If you haven’t already had the full complement of coronavirus vaccinations, now would be the time to get them. They’re available at drugstores all over the city and can lessen the severity of a COVID bout.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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