Best to come clean about perplexing ‘find’

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 27/03/2022 (1646 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I woke up late this morning to discover my boyfriend had unknowingly dropped his wallet in my bedclothes, and had gone home without it. I picked it up and couldn’t help looking inside it. I’m only human!

We’ve only been dating six months, but very hot and heavy. Anyway, in his old black wallet, shoved way under my larger photo was a small photo of a sexy, darkly-tanned girl in a black bikini, posing on a dock, and looking up seductively at the camera. There was an inscription to my boyfriend on the back.

I recognized her instantly. She’s his sister-in-law! I need to know what that’s all about, and if something weird is going on. But, I was snooping and can’t easily ask.

We’re supposed to be renting a cabin with “black bikini” and her husband this summer — and suddenly I don’t know if I want to.

How can I confront my boyfriend, when I was going through his wallet without permission? I’d be furious if he did that to me.

— Uncertain Snoop, North Kildonan

Dear Snoop: There’s no other way to handle this, but it won’t be fun. Confess you snooped, and ask your guy the questions you have about the hot inscribed photo he keeps hidden.

Maybe your boyfriend dated this woman first. Maybe he just wished he’d dated her first. Worst scenario is maybe they still have a secret thing going on.

Getting the cabin as two couples makes no sense, unless there’s a way to clear this up. So, take a deep breath and say to your boyfriend: “I found your wallet in my bed and I snooped in it. I found the sexy picture of your sister-in-law inside, and the inscription. I need you to tell me about it.”

Then wait. You may or may not believe his story, but you at least need to hear it, in total, so keep your reactions neutral until it’s all out.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I lost 25 pounds and gained good muscle, and it was a lot of work. I don’t care that my wife is jealous of it, but I do care that she doesn’t do something about her own COVID spare tire.

She’s way too heavy, and I want her to start coming to the gym with me, even to just walk around the track. All she wants to do is stay home and lie around. She used to be athletic like me! We actually met through a running group she doesn’t connect with anymore.

Sex is not so good now that she’s embarrassed about her body and jealous of my progress. Things are not good. Help please.

— Super Frustrated, River Heights

Dear Frustrated: Your wife feels a “holier-than-thou” attitude coming from you, and has dug in the heels of her sneakers. So, force yourself to relax and regroup.

Could you back off for a month or so until it’s warm and dry outside? Then ask her to go walking in the evenings, just to be with you. No preaching, just having fun, hitting different places together to walk. If you have a dog, take the fur baby, too.

Then think about joining a running group on your own. The idea is to take the negativity and critical eye off your wife, and build up challenging activities for you — plus fun times together again.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography