With support, you can manage motherhood solo

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This article was published 23/06/2022 (1540 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My live-in doesn’t want kids, but it turns out I’m pregnant. I’m keeping the baby — I have always wanted a baby (or two). Now he’s making noises about not keeping me in his life.

The baby is his, but that doesn’t seem to mean anything to him. He says I “tricked him” and “maybe the baby isn’t even his!”

Say what? I didn’t fall into that little trap. He knows I’m true blue. He’s the one who didn’t want to use a condom the night I said it wasn’t safe to take a chance.

It’s a bit late, but now I’m beginning to wonder what kind of father he’d be anyway. I’m old for 28 and he’s immature for 32.

The question now is this: Should I move in with my twin sister and her husband? She knows what’s happened, and they’ve invited me to take over their furnished basement.

I have a professional job with maternity leave, and I’m ready and sure I want this pregnancy. What if it’s twins, like my sister and I?

—Feeling Like a Mom Already, St. James

Dear Mom: The pregnancy is definitely happening from your side. You’re going to be the single parent of one (or maybe more) babies. So, you don’t need the negativity of a miserable, unwilling partner like this immature boyfriend who already has one foot out the door. Let him go!

If your sister and her husband are stable and willing, move in with them now, and say goodbye to the boyfriend who will only rain on your parade. You need to be in your best physical, mental and emotional health. You also need to get organized — preparing for at least 18 months ahead.

Go online and research all the help you can get locally for your pregnancy and motherhood. Best of luck to you, and stay positive.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband put together a beautiful surprise birthday party for me on my 40th — and my self-centred niece turned it into her event.

It was a big deal and she saw her chance. She’s an only child and always expects to be the centre of attention.

Family and friends I haven’t seen in two pandemic years came to celebrate my special birthday. The evening was lovely — until my niece made an announcement. She brought her hand out of her pocket, with a big sparkling diamond ring on her finger, and said, “Look, everybody! I just got engaged last night!”

That was nice for her, but to announce her engagement at my birthday party? What was she thinking? Everybody gathered round to look at her big ring, congratulate her, and take pictures of her and her guy. It was all about her, as usual.

So, I guided her — OK, pushed her— right into the kitchen. I said, “Couldn’t you have announced your engagement at your own party?” She teared up, and left in a hurry, sniffling, and everyone saw. The party guests left quickly, before we even had the fireworks display.

My husband is still embarrassed, and he’s angry at me. He said the party guests all heard what I shouted in the kitchen. I did not shout!

I ask you, who’s in the wrong? My husband said I spoiled my own party because my “big fat ego” clashed with my niece’s.

— My Birthday Party Spoiled, Sage Creek

Dear Spoiled: Both of you ladies with your giant-sized egos behaved poorly. Your poor husband deserved recognition and applause that night. He’d gone to a great effort for you, and you spoiled the event with a jealous fight that sent the guests running out the door early.

It was completely unnecessary. You could have switched the focus back to yourself, by congratulating your niece and asking everybody to follow you into the backyard. Then, you could have gotten up and thanked your husband — who was the one really deserving of attention and applause. That’s when you could have asked him to announce his fantastic fireworks display.

You didn’t need to chastise your niece (who’s more like you than you know); you could have out-manoeuvred her instead.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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