Don’t let your presence prop up provocative pop

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 17/08/2022 (1460 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My dad is rude and racist and says incredibly offensive things in public. I think he sort of gets off on it.

We were recently in Safeway and there was a gay couple holding hands in line. He kept making rude comments loud enough for me to hear — so they likely could, too. I kept telling him to stop, and finally left him to go out to the car.

I feel so much anxiety when I’m out in public with him now, as I know he’s just itching to be a smart-ass and annoy other people. Why do people do that? Why do they seem to enjoy being rude in public? What can I do about this?

— Upset Daughter, St. James

Dear Upset Daughter: Dad is going to have to learn you will continue to leave abruptly in those nasty, embarrassing situations. It won’t be fun for him, if you aren’t staying to be his audience.

Leave earlier and earlier with each outburst, until it’s one word of a slight, and you’re gone! Then give him a lecture afterwards. His response might be, “you have no sense of humour,” but keep at him. He may be a slow learner, but this is too important to ignore.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My best friend is about to marry a controlling and horrible woman. She just wants his money, and he has lots of it. She almost looks young enough to be his daughter, and he looks like what he is — a guy in his 40s with a paunch.

My buddy is rebounding from his recent divorce and I feel like his taste for revenge is driving this second marriage as much as his sex drive. She’s all over him in public, and he loves it!

His ex-wife was controlling too, and spent his money like crazy, even though she had her own career. Then she met a man who offered more money and prestige, and moved on.

I feel like he’s making another mistake that will cost him a lot of money, and the new marriage is coming up fast. What do I do as a best friend? Do I let him fail on his own?

— Forecasting Disaster, Bridgwater

Dear Forecasting: There are some friends we care about who have terrible taste in “love partners.” There’s nothing we can do about it — except to step into the role of a buddy who’s only available to hang out if partners aren’t included.

Also, you must never offer personal advice. “Sorry that happened to you” should be your go-to refrain when your friend complains to you — and he will. When you’re feeling less sympathetic, your best line is, “You’re on your own with that problem, my friend.”

People like this don’t learn from the advice of their friends, so don’t upset yourself by obsessing over his issues. Enjoy sports and fun events together, but stay out of his cringeworthy love life.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I kicked my roommate out of our apartment because she didn’t pay her half of the rent. Her attitude about the matter was that she didn’t have the money, but I did, and she’d “catch up” with me when she did. So, I demanded the key back from her, and she’s back at her mommy’s house.

Now I have no one to live with, and twice the rent to pay, and my courses at the University of Manitoba start again in September. I’m freaking out! I can’t pay my tuition and the full rent every month. I have just enough savings to pay everything for one more month after this.

— Need a Roomie ASAP, Fort Garry

Dear Need a Roomie: Colleges and universities have students coming in from all over for school in September, and many will be looking for places to live off-campus, particularly in Fort Garry where you’re situated. Check out the U of M’s off-campus housing website for information and resources to connect with accommodation seekers (och.cc.umanitoba.ca).

This time, confirm a prospective roommate’s financial stability and ability to cover rent. Find someone who already works part-time and has enough money, or is being funded by scholarships and/or parents, so you don’t have to worry about paying more than your own half of the rent every month. You might even ask for a few cheques in advance, so you can finally relax.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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