Time to get the picture he’s not over ex

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 22/08/2022 (1467 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’ve been dating a man for four months, and I just found out he still has nude pictures of his ex at the cabin they used to share — even some videos of them having sex. I’m furious because he tells me all the time how much he “loves” me, and how much he’s “over” his past relationship, and now I find their sex videos when I’m visiting the cabin?

OK, it was a result of my snooping, but their sex video showed up in the list of recently-watched items on his computer — so he’s still watching them. Should I walk?

— Better than this, South Osborne

Dear Better: You know you need to exit this relationship, so do it quietly and swiftly. Don’t explain beyond a few words about the nude photos and home-made sex videos he’s been looking at again.

Your words “I’m better than this,” voiced with confidence, will be a great exit line, and one he won’t forget. Don’t take any of his phone calls, even to hear him apologize. He will call, because he’ll hate that you got the last word — and you did it with class.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m married to a business-owner who wouldn’t answer a phone call from me if his life depended on it. He always says it’s because he doesn’t check his phone, but when he’s at home, he’s glued to the thing.

I’ve called him out multiple times for this, and he never listens. He calls me a “phone addict” and says I should not be so dependent on him. We have two kids under the age of three at home, for crying out loud! What do I have do to get it through his thick skull that he needs to answer calls from his wife?

— Upset Wife, Garden City

Dear Upset Wife: Time to get yourself a new support crew instead of calling your husband at work — unless it’s a real emergency. Instead, call your parents, siblings and helpful friends, or anyone you know personally who’s an expert on anything. Put their names and numbers on a list, and act like your husband’s out of town.

See how hubby reacts when the SOS calls slow down to a trickle. He might miss them a little — but let’s face it, people don’t want a lot of personal calls at work.

The good news? You’ll have new supports developing, and more contact builds deeper friendships with people. That might help curb some of the loneliness you feel at home with the babies. Both you and your husband might like this situation better in the end.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Does “taking a break” ever work? My boyfriend, who’s 42, told me he wanted to take a break from our relationship for a week — a week from hell, for me!

In my heart, this just feels like the end. I feel like he’s prolonging the inevitable and maybe hoping I’ll just end it.

We were fighting a lot, before he said he wanted to go on a break. We fight about things like my flighty teenage daughter, and money. I don’t want to lose him!

— Single Mom, Single Again? St. James

Dear Single Again: If you weren’t a single mom who was afraid of being single again, would you tell this guy to take his “break” and stuff it? As long as you’re scared of being without a boyfriend, you’re likely to put up with hurtful behaviour, like this request from him.

You could do with some new single friends and activities. Look into social, recreational or creative activity groups, or even volunteering that could promote healthy connections and socializing.

This guy, who wants a relationship break, has just demonstrated he’s not the one for you. Encourage him to take a permanent break!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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