Don’t hide deepening feelings from sex buddy

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 24/08/2022 (1503 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My friend-with-benefits is a beautiful, tall, handsome, rugged tradesman who somehow hasn’t turned into a gross, selfish jerk like so many men. He is loving and caring, and we have the best sex I’ve ever had.

We met at an old job, and have had an on-again/off-again “thing” ever since. I’m starting to really fall in love with him this time, but we agreed not to fall in love, in the beginning. How can I broach the news on this topic to him?

— Longing for More, Exchange District

Dear Longing: How can you promise that your feelings won’t grow as you become more intimate with a person? It was easy to enter into this agreement to keep it cool when you were working together, and work romances might have been considered a no-no. However, you two are now free of that.

It’s time you started hinting that it could mean more for you now. Once the heart starts beating wildly, it’s uncomfortable and embarrassing if feelings aren’t returned. If a “growing love” is not the case for him, you’ll have to step back, or step right out of the arrangement.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Oh my, how you have missed the mark about the sensitive teenage boy. (The mom who wrote in doesn’t want her son’s dad to force him into cadets and later the military, just to carry on family tradition. —Miss L.)

This is not an adult who is going to put on a uniform and grab a gun and head into the fight. I support the father and want the boy in the cadets, and a daughter too, if there is one.

What he will learn is how to become an adult that understands discipline, respect, duty, perseverance and so many other things today’s youth do not learn or understand. He could take part in the music program where he would learn things that will make his talents that much better, and he might enjoy it!

Mom should let go and send the boy off to cadets. That way, Dad will calm down, and will see for himself that his boy isn’t (or maybe is) happy in a military life. Either way, the young man will be given basic life skills that will only improve as he becomes a working adult.

— Grumpy Old Veteran, Manitoba

Dear Old Veteran: You made some excellent points, although you must concede the father is not just thinking of the boy going into cadets. For him, it’s a solid first push to get his son into the military. It’s doubtful he will stop there.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: After years of bouncing from one relationship to another, COVID forced me to spend time alone. It turns out I enjoy my own company! Now, this year I’ve managed to travel with family and friends — something I always thought I’d need a partner to be able to do.

With encouragement, I also tried online dating and met two nice gentleman, even though they didn’t work out and turn into anything lasting.

I’m in a dilemma. Sure, it’d be nice to have a special someone, but at the same time I feel anxious about it! I don’t think I can find someone with the freedom I have — no kids or parents to look after, retired and in my mid-50s.

I feel I’m at a point where I need to try to find someone, or I give up forever. What do you think?

— Choice to Make, Manitoba

Dear Choice: There’s no need to make a decision on shutting down your love-life possibilities in your mid-50s. You could live until you’re 100 these days, so that’s half a lifetime away. Leave your heart and mind open to possibilities outside of Winnipeg, as well as here at home. Stop worrying, and start travelling extensively, since you’d love that.

Go with friends and family sometimes, but also try group travel with people who have similar interests. Opt for the better-quality touring companies who set everything up for their travellers, including schlepping your luggage at every new spot.

If you express more of what you truly are, it will attract the right people to you for new friends — as well as sweethearts and lovers. That’s how the fascinating game of attraction works; the more you are exactly who you are, the better your luck will be.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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