Making real change starts with reaching out

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This article was published 05/10/2022 (1449 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m living with two roommates after having shared a home with a woman for four years. I can’t help feel like I’m a failure, and now I’m paying for it. The ugly truth is I’m in my late 30s and I got dumped for drinking too much. I must admit this has happened once before.

I’m trying to work on my drinking, but it just feels like, what is the point? No woman wants to visit a guy in his late 30s with two roommates. What do guys my age do to get back their lives? I sure as hell don’t know.

— Blew it Again! Osborne Village

Dear Blew It: “Trying” to work on quitting the demon booze isn’t enough.

The answer is to quit, with professional help and support of peers who’ve been through it and continue to thrive.

There are several organizations for quitting drinking. Alcoholics Anonymous is the best known and offers a lot of supports. You can find out more online at aamanitoba.org or by phoning 204-942-0126.

Friends who drink with you may or may not feel they are problem-drinkers, but don’t ask them to help you with your desire to abstain. On the other hand, new friends, met through an alcohol-cessation program, will be there to help get you through hard times.

Once you’re sober and on your feet work-wise, you’ll be able to get your own place again. You might even meet a love partner through new friends at AA. The other kind of partner who’d be good for you would be a lifelong non-drinker who couldn’t care less about having a drink, and would never bring it home.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I asked my girlfriend if she’d please start using oral contraceptives, and she freaked out! So far we’ve just been using condoms, and I’m praying they work. She told me the birth control pill isn’t fair to women, because there isn’t a similar pill for men that messes with their hormones.

She’s angry, and I’m trying to explain to her that if we both use protection, we have a better chance of being safe. We’re both in our late 20s. How do we move on? This is a big deal to me, as I definitely don’t want kids.

— Need Protection Direction, downtown Winnipeg

Dear Protection Direction: Does your girlfriend want to have babies one day? The clue that she might is that she’s worried about her hormones being messed with. Time to bring this subject up!

If you find a different partner who definitely doesn’t want children, she’ll be making sure there’s no pregnancy possible. Her methods may or may not involve the oral contraceptive which your present girlfriend is refusing, but they’ll be as good as they can be. She may welcome your condom backup.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I was surprised the subject of weight loss wasn’t addressed when ‘Daughter of Newly Thin Man’ asked about shopping for new clothes for Dad — a widower in his 80s. I’m a lifelong single man, now 77, and live alone.

Her father and I are from a generation where mothers and wives more traditionally did the meal prep, so there was little incentive to learn. These days, it takes a lot of willpower to prepare something nourishing. So, on a bad day, supper can be Glucerna (meal-replacement beverage) or a protein shake with soy “milk” and some fresh fruit.

As we age, function becomes impaired. Added to loneliness, one’s mood can slip, lessening the inclination to prepare proper meals. Thin Man’s daughter needs to step back and assess her dad’s mood, as an outsider would. Does he still get out to socialize with, say, a seniors’ group? Can he be encouraged to socialize?

As for food, would he eat microwaved frozen entrées? There are somewhat healthier options available now and I always have some in my freezer. Could she take Dad shopping with a trip down the frozen-entrée aisle, as well as the prepared-salad section?

My BFF (best female friend) is a good cook, and she’ll prepare meals for me — some to eat right away, and some to freeze. Could the daughter do that for Dad?

— Another Elderly Live-Alone Guy, Winnipeg

Dear Live-Alone Guy: The question asked in the letter from ‘Daughter of Newly Thin Man,’ was how to help her dad dress better with his newly slimmer body, but thank you for addressing a related issue for elderly men that is very important — especially for those who live alone.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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