Insights likely down to social circles, not sixth sense

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This article was published 28/10/2022 (1410 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My new 24-year-old girlfriend fancies herself some kind of modern witch, and even has a book of spells. I laugh it off, but sometimes it gives me the creeps.

Sometimes, she tells me things from my past she has no way of knowing. But recently, I’ve grown suspicious about this. Am I right to suspect she has a pipeline and someone is telling her all this stuff from my past? How could I find out something like that? She comes from another part of Winnipeg from where I grew up.

— Suspicious of “Witch,” Fort Richmond

Dear Suspicious: By the time a woman is 24, she may know several crowds of people, who all know other people. Some of her contacts may also know you — from school, sports, recreational activities, jobs, religious affiliations and so on. So casually ask your girlfriend about her past. Take note of people you two have in common, and those she still sees. Soon, you may discover some information pipelines. Or maybe she actually has intuitive gifts!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband and I are enthusiastic and artistic Halloween decorators. We just moved into this great old place with an iron-gated fence and big bushes. How can we get our new neighbours to come through the gate and see all the spooky Halloween figures and lights we’ve put out in the front yard?

— Scary But Fun! Tuxedo

Dear Scary: Kids and parents are just being careful when they walk past a new resident’s scary-looking place. So, address that problem.

This first year, set up your treats table just outside the bushes and gate, with lots of orange pumpkin lights. Welcome the parents to take the kids in and have a look around your yard display. Ask some teenagers you know to dress in costume, and be the guides. Whatever people choose to do — come in, or not — pass out the candy, happily.

Then let people get to know you two during the rest of the year, by joining in with community events and causes. Word will get around that you’re Halloween folks, and next year you’ll attract lots of kids and parents you actually know.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I followed with interest the letters from “Old Guy“ and “Really Old Guy” regarding gifting and your supportive replies to them, which struck a chord in my heart. Since there is no age distinction between old and really old, I would call myself “extremely old.”

I’m a man in my 80s, with a wonderful marriage that has passed the 55-year mark. I’ve always made “gifting” a point. That would be NOG (no-occasion gifting) such as a candy bar from a dollar store, all the way up to IOG (important-occasion gifting), such as a diamond for a landmark anniversary.

In every case, a gift will carry with it one or more of the following expressions: I am thinking of you, I care, I love you, or I want to make you happy.

PS: My wife and I believe marriage is a “lifetime institution.”

— Extremely Old Guy, Manitoba

Dear Extremely Old Guy: Open-hearted gift-givers are delightful people to know as friends, relatives, sweethearts, lovers or mates. That’s opposed to the type who can’t be bothered looking for a gift, or simply doesn’t want to part with the money, even if they have plenty.

My dad, Bill Scurfield, specialized in giving no-occasion gifts — from silly rubber toys you could twist into crazy shapes for us kids, to bouquets of flowers for our mom — for no reason. We are all happy gift-givers as a result of seeing this behaviour.

Life is too short to be voluntarily attached to the gift-resenting types. They can be spotted early on, in a relationship. It’s a mystery to me why people get romantically involved with non-gift givers. It’s too hurtful.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I fell “in like” with a very funny man, who saw the humour in everything. But he couldn’t stop making jokes — from cute to rude. The biggest problems cropped up during sex, where he often found the act itself laughable, rather than romantic. I broke up with him.

I ran into his new girlfriend last weekend at a party where everybody was drinking Halloween cocktails. It was all I could do not to ask if he still finds sex laughable. I chickened out! Next time I think I’ll have another drink, and just ask her. What do you think?

— Cat Got My Tongue, Bridgwater

Dear Tongue: Of course you’re curious, but don’t ask! Nothing good can come of that. Just grin when you say hello to the woman, give your head a shake, and be glad you’re out of that old relationship.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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