Don’t hope for different ending with repeat cheat

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 03/11/2022 (1419 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband won’t let me drive his fancy truck, so when somebody told me they’d recently been seeing it in another town — one I never go to — I put on a fake smile. I said, “Oh, where did you see him parked?” This person “innocently” told me, so I took my own little car and went for a drive, to do a bit of detective work.

It looks like my husband is visiting a single woman, known to the town’s people.

I knew this behaviour wouldn’t be beneath my husband, because I’m ashamed to say, that’s how I met him myself. In the end, he and I decided to get a mobile home together. I guess what goes around comes around for him. Why did I think I’d be special? I don’t want to just give him to her! What should I do?

— Born Fighter, rural Manitoba

Dear Born Fighter: Why bother battling to break up your husband’s new romance, when he’s already got one foot out the door? He’s a repeat offender. He’ll also point out you weren’t above cheating with him!

His new squeeze probably won’t want him to live with her if it’s just a casual thing. Just don’t be so stubborn that you live in emotional hell with him, paying half the expenses while he’s still seeing her. The quieter and faster you break up with him now, the better.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife can talk me into anything, and she uses her body to score points in arguments. The other night she wanted me to agree to buy her a car of her own. She’s not working outside of the house, and we’re trying to start a family.

With each argument she made, she took off another piece of lingerie, and promised more exciting things to happen. In the end I said, “Yes, of course, whatever car you want, darling!” This has become a game with her. This is how she got me to agree to a fancy fitness set-up in the basement and her “She Shed” by the pool in the backyard, where she parks her lawn furniture and did her crafts all summer.

I make good money, but when she does this, I feel like I’m being manipulated. Last night, I suggested she just ask me straight out for what she wants, but she crumpled and cried. Please help me understand her thinking.

— Her Loving Husband, Sage Creek

Dear Loving: Your wife is struggling — feeling the need to trade something for big-ticket items another well-to-do wife might take for granted. The sexual offerings may be feeling awkward to her — but she doesn’t know what else to offer.

Being a wealthy man’s lonely wife — one who’s trying to get pregnant — is a not a healthy situation. She needs friends and other interests, so she feels fulfilled and happy, not tense (not a great state for getting pregnant). The biggest gift you can give her is real help to find an interesting job in a happy, social setting. She really needs to start earning some of her own money, so everything doesn’t feel like a handout from you.

Then she can buy things she wants, have a normal social life, and actually be happy and content to be married to you.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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