Snip snub cuts too deep for future together

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 10/11/2022 (1415 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I went out to dinner with a few friends and one of the women in her mid-30s got really drunk. I followed her into the bathroom, and she was sobbing in one of the stalls. I asked her to please let me in, and tell me what was wrong!

Apparently, her “serious” new boyfriend — back at the table — neglected to tell her he had a vasectomy after having one child with his previous wife.

He said he didn’t care, because he “doesn’t enjoy crying babies” and now he has a toddler to help support, who’s “a big pain.”

He thought, because this new girlfriend is an older single woman with a solid professional career, she wouldn’t care about not having a baby. But, no! Deep down, she really wants to have a kid more than anything. “Before I’m 40!” she cried out to me between her hiccups.

What a sad situation. I don’t know what advice to offer her, and she has contacted me a couple times since. Please help.

— Have No Real Answers, Westwood

Dear No Answers: This man is absolutely the wrong mate for a woman who wants a family. He isn’t even crazy about his own toddler! He’d be a cold and disinterested father, even if she chose to get together with him and persuaded him to adopt a child with her.

Getting a vasectomy right after his first baby says a lot. He may have been young-ish when he did it, but he felt absolutely finished with having children when he went in for that operation.

This woman who wants a child desperately, could look into adopting a child herself, and forget about trying to find a baby daddy. Single women with good jobs to support a child, can certainly adopt on their own. It can be a much better plan than trying to find a guy quickly that she has to hustle into a pregnancy, and then pray to keep the marriage together.

Some women adopt a baby — or more than one — and later find a loving partner who’s delighted to share the whole family with her.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband — the money-grubbing sex fiend — has fooled around on the wrong woman. Since the bars opened up more again with the pandemic easing, he’s been taking his guitar out to venues where he knows old bands will welcome him up to play.

That attracts the women once he’s off stage. A woman from where I work has spotted my husband around the music scene and he’s been travelling with a redhead lately “with big fake eyelashes.” I know exactly who she is.

He always goes after redheads. I was a redhead, until he turned me grey. I won’t stand for any more cheating and public humiliation! But how does a woman get a divorce and keep her hard-earned money? I work two jobs and have a lot more saved and invested than he knows about. I don’t share that information with him, for good reason.

What’s the smart way to handle a marriage breakup money-wise? I’ve witnessed “the dumb way,” with some of my friends.

— Wanting to Keep My Money! Garden City

Dear Wanting: Your husband may never have intended to leave the marriage — just to mess around a bit. If he finds out you’re seriously departing and it gets nasty, he may want all he can get of your money. So, make sure to consult a good divorce lawyer your husband doesn’t know, and an experienced financial adviser who’s dealt with divorces.

Also, be prepared for this curve ball: Since you pay for Hubby’s comfy lifestyle now, he may fight for you to stay with him, and say all the things you wanted to hear from him a long time ago. Oddly, you may be tempted — because he’ll be talking so sweetly, and you don’t want the other woman to win him — but what kind of prize would that be for you?

You’re already feeling three of the “Big Ds” — distrust, distaste and disgust. The fourth — divorce — is generally not far behind.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography